


Deer Diary

by DropTheBasil



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Detention, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, First Kiss, First War with Voldemort, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Unrequited Love, Werewolf Reveal, for now, puns everywhere, siriusly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25392229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DropTheBasil/pseuds/DropTheBasil
Summary: Out of spite, Lily Evans creates a list of seven reasons why it's a bad idea that James be her boyfriend, but as each year passes, the list of reasons why she hates James Potter gets shorter and shorter.Reason 4: He just likes annoying me and it’s just a game to him.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Marauders & Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	1. Prologue

_Dear_ ~~— _D-i-a-r-y_ —~~ ... _Journal,_

 _I'd like to start by saying that I am usually a very nice, calm, and decent person_ , Lily aggressively scratched into her notebook.

Professor Flitwick was at the front of the classroom talking about who-knows-what, some charm or the other, and Lily… well, Lily was trying to take notes on that charm, but she couldn't stop her mind wandering away to a certain raven haired boy with the smirk of the devil. And the personality of the devil too.

Knowing there was no way she would be able to concentrate in class with all her pent up emotions, Lily took out her special journal. A book of her secret thoughts she used to call diary until she grew up and came to Hogwarts. Only childish babies wrote in diaries and Lily was not a childish baby, despite whatever Petunia might say. So no, she was never writing in a diary. She was a journal girl, no... woman, through and through.

Lily dipped her quill into the ink and began to ferociously scribble all her inner thoughts:

_I swear! Everyone says I'm level-headed and a joy to be around. Except when I'm around…James Potter._

_I shudder even when I write his name._

_He is the absolute worst. Worst I tell you!_

To add emphasis, Lily doodled a quick little sketch of James with devil horns and fangs.

_I've only been at Hogwarts for a few months and that crazy boy has been pestering me the whole entire time. I can't catch a break with him. And of course, fate just had to put him in the same house as me so I can't even catch one minute alone before he and his stupid crew saunters up to me with their stupid stupidness._

_You're probably asking (you know, if you could talk) "Hey, Lily, why are you ranting about him now of all times? Shouldn't you be using your writing to take notes and pay attention in class?"_

_Let me tell you, we were reviewing the wingardium leviosa charm that we learned last class. Now, I'm pretty good at charms (if I do say so myself), and it was a pretty easy spell, but I may have forgotten the arm movement that came with it from last class. So I was working on remembering (it was coming to me, I swear) and then this imbecile had the nerve to come up to me and say in his dumb voice, "Let me help you, Evans," and THEN HE DID THE SPELL FOR ME!_

" _Swish and flick, Evans. Swish and flick."_

_And then he had the audacity to smirk and run his fingers through his hair like that was sooo cool._

_Oh, swish and flick alright. I'll swish and flick my wand all the way up your—_

_I'm getting carried away._

_Now you might be wondering why that is such a big deal. He was only helping. But it is a big deal!_

_He wasn't trying to help me at all. He was just showing off his so called "skills." And I am certainly no damsel in distress who needs a dumb prince to save her from a magic spell. Haha, get it?_

_Anyway, Potter is just a dumb, self-centered, annoying, obnoxious, repulsive—I could go on forever—human being._

_And on top of that, he keeps asking me out!_

_First of all, ewww! I am never going to date anyone, ever. Boys are so gross!_

_Second of all, ewww! James Potter is the worst boy out of all of them! Even worse than Sirius Black!_

_You know, since I'm already making a list, maybe I should make a list of all the reasons I hate James Potter! Lists are the best (and yes, I know I sound like a nerd). Let's get this party started!_

_Reasons Why I Hate James Potter (and will never, ever, EVER call him my boyfriend)_

_1\. He always runs his fingers through his hair (get a comb!)_

_2\. He is ugly inside and out (boys are so… blech)_

_3\. He is mean to Severus (what did Severus ever do to him?)_

_4\. He just likes annoying me and it's just a game to him (I am so not going to let him win)_

_5\. His friends are annoying (the worst!)_

_6\. He thinks Gryffindors are better than all the other houses (I think all the houses are great!)_

_7\. He's a spoiled brat (more specifically, he's a rich socialite who only cares about himself)_

_8\. He—_

"Oi, Evans! What's that?" James inquired, grabbing Lily's journal from her grasp. Her quill left a stain on the paper as she was attempting to write reason eight. Maybe that would be the eighth reason: He always takes things without asking.

As she was writing away, she failed to notice the rest of the class breaking into groups to practice the charm Flitwick was just lecturing on. James saw it as the perfect opportunity to annoy Lily without Flitwick noticing.

"Give it back, Potter!" Lily reached for her journal, but James held it over his head and waved it all around.

Grinning from ear to ear, he taunted, "Go out with me, and maybe I'll give it back."

Lily was seething red in anger. "No way! Now give me back my journal."

"You mean your diary?" James pretended to flip through its pages.

"Stop reading it!"

Now Lily was really yelling and James could tell she was serious, so he closed the journal and looked at the cover of the book. "Deers?" he asked innocently. 

"Deer," Lily corrected. "The plural form of deer is still deer, not deers. And that's a stag and a doe."

"Why do you have deers, I mean, deer, on your diary cover?"

"It's a journal and it's cause they're my favorite animal. Any more stupid questions?"

"Why are they your favorite animal?" James asked, still holding the book over his head as Lily jumped up to reach it.

"That was rhetorical, Potter! Now give me my journal!" And at that she pounced on James, knocking him and herself to the ground.

She sat on his chest and pinned both his hands to the ground causing the journal to leave his grasp. James's glasses flew askew and in glowing triumph, Lily reached for the open faced journal that lay on the ground a few inches from James's hand.

"Aha!" Lily exclaimed, as she flipped through the book to make sure nothing was damaged.

"Mr. Potter! Ms. Evans! What is the meaning of this?" Professor Flitwick made his way towards them and Lily looked up to see the entire class watching her… as she was still sitting on James.

Quickly, and not very gracefully, Lily pushed herself off of James, as James leisurely picked up his glasses and stood up slowly as if without a care in the world. He almost seemed in a daze.

"Professor Flitwick," Lily stammered, completely appalled. "He was just— We were just—"

"Not practicing your spells, I can see. I would have expected this kind of tomfoolery from Mr. Potter, but not from you, Ms. Evans. Detention for the both of you!"

A sound of protest got caught in Lily's throat.

This was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to her. Including that time she managed to jump (magically) to the roof of her muggle primary school, but couldn't (was too scared to) come back down until firefighters had to come and carry her away. Her picture was in the town's newspaper. But this... this was definitely more embarrassing.

To the side, Lily could hear some (most) of the students giggling and gossiping to each other. The loudest laugh came from none other than Sirius Black, James's second in command in hijinks and as Flitwick put it, "tomfoolery."

"Detention tonight, before dinner," Flitwick declared sternly.

"Yes, sir," Lily could hear James say.

Lily took in a shaky breath, her face still bright red to go with her fiery hair. "Yes, sir," she managed to get out.

"Class dismissed," Flitwick announced, and immediately, the class started packing their things and clearing out, their minds buzzing with fresh gossip about the James-Lily (one-sided) rivalry.

Lily stood there frozen, tears starting to prick the corners of her eyes.

James, noticing that Lily was in distress, turned to his friends and said, "I'll see you guys back at the common room, yeah?"

"Sure thing, James," Remus answered, and he dragged Sirius and Peter out of the classroom by their sleeves. The two of them obviously wanted to stay and watch what was about to happen.

"Lily?" James lightly touched her arm and that was enough to shake her out of her trance.

Wincing roughly, Lily shook herself free of James and walked briskly out of the classroom, wiping away at a stray tear that left her eye.

"Evans!" James called out, running after her, "What's wrong?"

Lily turned quickly to face him causing James to almost run into her. "What's wrong? What's wrong?" she exclaimed, in a low voice.

She suddenly felt so jittery and she could feel her fingers twitch and fidget. She began to pace around the hallway.

James kept in stride with her and stayed by her side.

"Yes! I don't understand why you are so upset! It's just one detention. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal? The big deal?"

"Why are you repeating everything I say twice? I heard myself the first time." James ran his hand through his hair.

"That was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me in my entire life! My entire existence! I am completely humiliated. And on top of that, I have a detention! I got in trouble because of you! I have never been in detention before and now, I have that on my record." Lily poked him in the chest with a single finger. "Thanks to you."

"You're very welcome," James smoothly replied.

"Excuse me?" Lily's voice went up an octave and even she could admit she sounded delirious.

"You haven't lived much of a life if that's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you. I'm just trying to make your life more interesting."

Lily made a sound in protest, but James spoke over her, "And detention really isn't that bad. I've had like three detentions already and it's only my first year. Plus, you'll have me for company."

"That's even worse!"

"Oh, come on, Evans. I'm not that bad. I'm at least better company than Snivellus—"

"Don't call him that," Lily said, through gritted teeth.

"Look at you now. At first you were upset and now you're annoyed with me. That's an improvement of emotions, right?"

Lily just glared at him.

James smiled at the shrewd look she gave him, "I can handle you being annoyed. I can't handle it when you're upset."

Lily wiped away any of the remnant tears that stayed on her face during her whole tirade. James was right, she wasn't as upset as before.

"Don't tell anybody about this, okay? Don't tell anyone I cried," Lily warned. "Not even Black."

"Don't worry, Evans. I won't. What I will be telling everyone is: LILY EVANS SAT ON ME!" James declared loudly, using both his hands around his mouth to amplify the sound. Passing students turned to look at the two of them.

"Potter!" Lily protested; she tried pulling his arms down so he made less of a show out of it, but alas, he persisted.

"EVANS SAT ON ME! RIGHT ON MY CHEST!"

Lily shoved him, blushing lightly. Maybe this was the most embarrassing thing to happen to her.

"I'M NEVER WASHING MY CHEST AGAIN!"

"Ewww." Lily crinkled her nose in disgust.

"OKAY, I GUESS I'M WASHING MY CHEST."

"Stop yelling!" Lily exclaimed, but she couldn't help but laugh along with the rest of the students watching.

"You're laughing," James noted. "That's an even better emotion than annoyed or upset."

"Laughing is not an emotion. But yes, I do feel much better now that everyone is laughing at you and not me."

"It was my pleasure, Evans. Anything to make you laugh."

"You are such a sap," Lily commented.

James had a twinkle in his eye as he turned away from her and started walking to his dormitory. "I'll see you in detention, Evans!"

"You better be on time," Lily called out after him. "I'm not going to do all the work by myself."

"LILY EVANS SAT ON ME!" was his reply, as he raised one fist in the air in celebration.

"I hate you!" Lily shouted in response, her deer adorned journal clutched against her chest.

And she had seven reasons why.


	2. Year 1

_Reasons Why I Hate James Potter_

_1\. He always runs his fingers through his hair_

_2\. He is ugly inside and out_

_3\. He is mean to Severus_

_4\. He just likes annoying me and it's just a game to him_

_5\. His friends are the absolute worst_

_6\. He thinks Gryffindors are better than all the other houses_

_**7.** _ _**He's a spoiled brat** _

* * *

Lily worked hard, scrubbing the floors of Flitwick's classroom all by herself. Footsteps echoed outside the room and when she looked up, she saw James rushing in, completely out of breath and five minutes late. _Of course._

"Grab a brush and join the party, Potter," Lily muttered.

"Sorry I'm late, Evans. Sirius and I just found the coolest—"

"I don't really care. Just help me finish this so we can leave. I'm starving." Lily had missed lunch and hadn't had anything to eat that day except breakfast. That did not put her in a great mood, to say the least.

They worked in silence for a few minutes, but James, being James, couldn't stay quiet for very long.

"So, why are deers—"

"Deer," Lily corrected.

"Deer," James rectified, "Your favorite animal?"

"I'm not here to make small talk, Potter."

They continued in silence for five minutes and then Lily, having nothing else to do in the infuriating silence, answered, "We have a lot of deer back home where I'm from. My family would have picnics in the woods and the deer would come up to us. My sister and I had so much fun feeding them and playing with them." Lily smiled wistfully. "I guess they just remind me of a better time."

"Better time? What, you don't have picnics anymore?"

Lily bit her lower lip. "Not really and not the way we used to. My sister stopped coming to our family picnics no matter how many times we asked her to. And we've asked her like a thousand times, but she prefers to shut herself in the room and not speak to me."

"Why did she stop coming?" James questioned.

Lily sighed, not really knowing why she was telling all of this to the bane of her existence, but continuing nonetheless, "Ever since I found out I was a witch, Petunia thinks I'm a freak for my magic. And you don't have to say anything," Lily said, "I know I'm not a freak. But it just hurts when I hear her say it to me."

"I'm sorry," James said, softly.

Lily just continued scrubbing the same spot, even though it was already clean. "It's sort of funny," she said.

"What is?" James tilted his head curiously.

"That back home, I'm called a freak for being too magical and at Hogwarts, I'm called a mudblood for not being magical enough."

"Don't say that," James said, roughly.

"What was that?" Lily said, surprised by his sharp tone.

"Don't call yourself a mud… you know. You're not defined by what others call you, so you sure as hell shouldn't call yourself a freak or a-a—"

"Thanks, Potter."

They continued to work in silence. It wasn't as awkward or uncomfortable anymore. Rather, it felt nice and soothing.

Scrubbing the floors of the dirty classroom full of the feces of charmed rats had a way of clearing her mind, as crazy as that sounded.

"I like deer too," James piped up after a few minutes.

"Why's that?" Lily asked.

James looked up from the shiny floor and shrugged. "I guess they have this sort of strength within. They are hunted by humans and animals alike, but they still manage to beat the odds and survive. They're very noble creatures."

Lily chuckled. "I guess they are. I never saw it like that."

James smiled at Lily's laugh. "But they're not my favorite animal," he added.

"Oh really?" Lily quirked her eyebrow. "Let me guess, your favorite animal is the—"

"Lion." They both finished the sentence together.

"You are so predictable, Potter. Of course it would be Gryffindor's animal."

"I am the most unpredictable person you have ever met!" James argued. He seemed truly insulted by Lily's accusation. Of all the things she had said to him, this was what he got offended by. What a surprise.

"You really aren't, Potter."

"My pranks are—"

"Predictable. I mean, how many times can you change the Slytherin hair bright pink?"

"When I ask you out —"

"Predictable! All you do is stand on top of tables and profess your undying love to me. Been there, seen that," Lily sang.

"So what you're saying is that I need to find better more exciting pranks and ways to ask you out."

"No, I'm just saying, if you're going to prank people and ask me out, you might as well make it interesting. And maybe mix it up a little, I'm sure the other houses need some pranking too. We have magic for goodness sake! The pranking possibilities are endless!"

"My, my, my, Lily Evans, who would have thought that you would be a pranking mastermind."

"I'm not helping you with a prank if that's what you're implying."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"Can you just go back to asking me out already?"

James smirked. "Don't worry, Evans. The next time I ask you out will be epic."

"I still won't say yes."

"But you might."

"But I won't."

James sighed. "Lilykins, you break my heart."

Lily shook her head. "The floors are clean and my stomach is hungry." She stood up and wiped her hands. "I'm going to get some food."

"Right behind ya." James stood up as well and stretched his arms out.

They both finished putting the supplies back in the closet and started walking to the dining hall.

"You know, Evans, if it's just the two of us in the dining hall, it could be considered a date," James teased.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Thanks, but I'd rather starve than date you."

When they arrived at the dining hall, it was completely empty (damn you, James, it's not a date) and there was no food on the table. Lily and James did not realize how late it was and everything was closed for the night.

"Why did you have to come five minutes late?" Lily yelled in frustration, the hunger in her stomach blocking any sense of logic. "If you just got to detention in time, we would have finished earlier and I would have food in my belly!"

"You can't seriously be blaming me! If you're really hungry, I know a place we can get food."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Lily grumbled. "I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight, my love," James called out as she walked away.

"Go to hell, Potter."

* * *

The next morning, Lily groggily made her way to breakfast, her stomach was excessively grumbling the whole night with thoughts of muffins and pancakes and eggs and bacon and—

"Food! Wow, James! You could feed a whole army," Peter's voice announced alerting the whole dining hall of James's treasure.

Lily, and everyone else, peered over and saw that James had received a package from home. A rather large package filled with sweets galore, probably all homemade.

James was an only child, beloved by his parents.

 _No wonder he's so spoiled_ , Lily thought to herself.

James looked excitedly at his treats and began unpacking them one by one.

Lily picked up a biscuit, smothered it with butter, and munched on it as she watched the scene unfold in front of her.

The bag his mom sent must have been touched by magic somehow because there was no other explanation for that many sweets fitting in that space. The desserts just came out, the next treat being even bigger and more glamorous than the one before it.

Out came toffee, cauldron cakes, pumpkin pasties, rock cakes, puddings galore and ooooh, her favorite… treacle tart.

Suddenly, Lily's biscuit seemed a little dry.

James finally noticed the crowd of people watching him unpack his gifts, their mouths watering in awe.

Some people just seemed to eye his food for the food, but others, they seemed saddened at the sight.

Lily understood why. The first year at Hogwarts was a big deal in a witch's or wizard's life. Sometimes muggle parents were scared of their child and wanted nothing to do with them. People feared what they didn't understand and magic was something very, very not understandable.

Lily was lucky to have muggle parents who loved her for her, regardless of her being a witch or not. They were always supportive of whatever she did.

For magical half-blood and pure-blood children, the situation could be the opposite. Especially with the sorting and being placed into houses. Sometimes, the house someone got placed into didn't match the dreams the magical parents had for their child and that created some familial distance. Kids whose parents wanted them to be Ravenclaw got into Hufflepuff, or vice-versa. Parents who wanted their kids to be Gryffindor found out they got into Ravenclaw. And the worst crime of all, committed by none other than Sirius Black: a Gryffindor in a family full of Slytherins.

So, parent-child relations were not really the best at Hogwarts. Not all parents were like that, of course, but a good number were and it was really heartbreaking to see the kids who would always feel like a disappointment to their parents, just because of where a hat told them to sit.

Seeing James being so loved by his family and surrounded by his mother's homemade showcase of affection probably hurt a lot of people who wished it was their mother or father sending them that instead of a hateful howler about how they are a "complete and utter disgrace, that they bring shame to the house crest, and that they should never step foot into their home again." And yes, those were actual words that came out of a howler sent to Sirius Black.

Even Lily felt bad for him when that happened a few weeks ago. The Slytherins weren't as sympathetic, but it was okay because all their hair was dyed pink a few hours later. _Wonder who did that?_

Lily understood that sadness to a certain extent. She remembered her sister, Petunia, being a great cook back home. She always made the most scrumptious violet pudding. Now, Lily couldn't imagine Petunia making one of those for her ever again.

When Lily saw James with his baked goods, she imagined it was her sister sending her that with a little note saying: _Miss you Lily! Sent_ _with lots of love._

But the baked goods and the love wasn't for her. There was no more love between the sisters anymore. Not even in the slightest.

All of the love was for stupid, spoiled James and only for him.

"Hey, Sirius," James said, casually. "My mom wrote that these snacks were for you too."

And then he proceeded to shove a whole cauldron cake in Sirius's face.

Sirius laughed and wiped the bits of his cheeks and nose. "This is so good, I'm not even mad at you for shoving it in my face," then he paused, "She really said it was for me too?"

"Yeah." James read the note again. "She said all my friends were like her children, so I had to share. Welcome to the family, I guess." James grinned.

Sirius just stared at him, unsure of what to do.

"What?" James said, picking up one of the snacks and unwrapping it. "Never had a family before?"

Lily knew he was joking, but there was an underlying question being asked: _would you like to join my family?_

Sirius just laughed it off. "I suppose I do now." He grabbed a pumpkin flavored treat and bit into it.

"You too, Peter," James said. "And Remus, grab a snack. You look like you got beat up by the Whomping Willow."

"Gee thanks, James, and I thought I was having a great hair day today," Remus sarcastically commented.

But he and Peter ate the food anyway.

"Phanks, Phames," Peter said, his mouth stuffed to the brim in sweet treats.

"Hey, Potter," a student nearby, Amos Diggory, casually leaned towards them. "Can I have one of those cakes?"

"Sure." James handed the older boy one delicious looking cake. "Help yourself."

"Thanks." He bit into it. "This is amazing!"

James smiled at that reaction. "My mum's secret recipe."

"My mum used to make cakes just like these," Amos reminisced.

Amos Diggory was one of those kids whose parents wanted him to a Ravenclaw (better job opportunities, they said), but he was sorted into Hufflepuff, much to his parents' disappointment. Amos was nice to Lily, a little prideful, but generally a kind person. Amos vowed that when he had children, he would be proud of them regardless of whoever they chose to become or whatever house they were sorted into.

That was the kind of parent Lily wanted to be too.

Before she knew it, there was a whole line behind James wanting to try a bit of his mother's recipes.

James gave his treats away willingly until they were all gone.

"Mate," Sirius said, disappointed. "You didn't even have any for yourself."

James shrugged, still with a happy smile on his face when he saw how much the others enjoyed his snacks. "It's okay, my mum makes these all the time and I have it over the holidays. You can too, if you'd like to stay over with me when break starts. I know with your family—"

"I'd love to," Sirius interrupted. He grinned and joked, "But only for your mum's sweets."

"Of course."

Lily tried to hide a smile at that interaction. Even though she hated James and Sirius separately. They did have a unique and strong friendship, even after knowing each other for less than a year.

Sometimes, she felt their friendship was stronger than hers and Severus, even though she and Severus had known each other for longer. The two of them used to be closer, but after Severus was sorted into Slytherin... he seemed different. Almost like he was avoiding her. She hated to believe that he was not seeing her because Slytherins didn't interact with muggle-borns, especially Gryffindor muggle-borns. She refused to believe it, in fact, and still kept trying to reach out to her dear friend.

Finishing her breakfast, but still with a queasy and slightly hungry stomach, Lily made her way to her first class of the day, when she heard the pattering of footsteps behind her.

Turning around, she saw James running towards her.

"Evans!"

"Yes, Potter?" Lily asked, not completely unkindly.

James held out something wrapped in a napkin and offered it to her.

Lily looked at it and then back at him. "Is this a trap? Are you taking my advice of not pranking the Slytherins and are pranking me instead?"

James sighed, ruffling his hair. "Just take it, Evans."

Lily reached out carefully and took the napkin. When she unwrapped it, she saw it was a piece of—

"Treacle tart." Lily held it up to her nose and smelled the heavenly scent of lemony sweet goodness. "These are my favorite!"

"I know." James grinned. "I saved the last one for you."

Lily looked at him in surprise. "But you hardly got any! I can't take it." She tried giving it back.

"It's fine, Evans. Really. It would make me lot happier if you had it. Think of it as an apology for coming five minutes late to detention and having us miss dinner."

Lily and James both knew that even if James did come on time, they still would have missed dinner by a long shot, but neither decided to bring that up.

"Are you sure you want me to have your last sweet?"

"I am absolutely positive."

Lily pursed her lips, but her desire to try the sweet took over and she took a bite. "Holy Merlin, this is amazing!"

Maybe James wasn't so bad after all, she was kind of starting to like him as a person. That's strange…

James proudly said, "I knew you'd like it," then he grinned sneakily, "And it was laced with love potion so now you have to go out with me."

"What?" Lily shrieked and tried to spit out whatever treacle tart she still had in her mouth.

"I'm just kidding, Lilykins." James held his hands to his stomach as he laughed. "But I had you going for a second, didn't I? Now that would have been an epic prank."

"You complete arse!" She smacked him. "You made me spit out the most wonderful dessert in the world because I thought you poisoned me!"

"Relax, Evans!" James tried to shrink away from Lily's arms, "My mum will send more over later! I would never forcefully make you fall in love with me. That just takes the fun out of it. But pranking you, I didn't even think about it until you reminded me."

Lily crossed her arms and stepped back. "I didn't like that prank," she stated bluntly.

"Then I'll have to try better next time."

"You do that," Lily harrumphed and made her way to her next class leaving a happy James in her wake, still laughing at his own joke.

When Lily sat at her seat and waited for class to start, she took out her journal and began writing.

* * *

_Deer Journal,_

_Get it? Deer? Like dear, but deer the animal. I don't know. Potter has gotten deer into my head lately._

_Honestly, Potter, in general, has been stuck in my head lately and it's so annoying!_

_I had detention with him yesterday. I won't get into the details, but ugh, I was so hungry and that made me get into a bad mood and then Potter was being Potter making me into get into an even bigger bad mood! And then I didn't even get dinner._

_Speaking of food. Potter had a lot of food today at breakfast, and he shared it with everyone. Even me. Which I kind of wasn't expecting him to do._

_It was really nice of him. I mean, he's still annoying and dumb, but I guess he's not as spoiled as I thought he was. He cares for his friends and he even invited Black over to live with him cause Black's parents are absolute trash._

_So what I'm really trying to say is that my seventh reason why I hate Potter is now declared null and void._

Lily flipped to the page with the list of her reasons and dragged her finger down to the last reason and crossed it out.

~~— _7_ — _._ — _H-e-'-s_ — _a_ — _s-p-o-i-l-e-d_ — _b-r-a-t_ —~~

Then she went back to her latest journal entry and continued writing.

_This doesn't mean anything though! Even though James may not be as spoiled as I thought, there are still plenty of other reasons why he's a horrible person!_

_Trust me, I have 6 more reasons why I hate James Potter. And those reasons aren't going away anytime soon._


	3. Year 2

_Reasons Why I Hate James Potter (Edited)_

_1\. HE KEEPS RUNNING HIS FINGERS THROUGH HIS HAIR!_

_2\. Still ugly (he has glasses and his hair is always messed up…what a nerd, right? Right?)_

_3\. Still mean to Severus_

_4\. Still annoying/it's just a game and I'm just a prize to him_

_5\. Still has annoying friends (they think they're soooo cool)_

_**6\. Still house-ist (Definition: thinks Gryffindor house is better than all the other houses and hates them all— especially Slytherins)** _

* * *

In all her life (of twelve whole years), Lily never had to face much discrimination. Sure, she was a redhead and to some, she was the bane of human existence and marked as bad luck, but Lily never took that to heart.

Sometimes when she walked across the street, someone would call out, "Look at that carrot top go!"

Lily would occasionally roll her eyes or stick a certain damning finger in the air, but most times, she just tended to ignore them. Overall, Lily could honestly say, she had never faced true discrimination before. That is, until she came to Hogwarts.

Hogwarts was wonderful. Truly wonderful. It was filled with people of all different backgrounds and histories, and cultures and stories. It was a brilliant melting pot.

At least, it would have been brilliant if not for that one sour ingredient that ruined the whole dish—dirty blood.

The word _mudblood_ haunted her daily.

She would walk through the halls of Hogwarts and someone would call out, "Look at that filthy mudblood in _our_ school." As if it wasn't her school as well.

And Lily… she didn't know what to do. Deep down, she felt scared. Terrified. When someone made fun of her hair color, she knew it was only skin, or rather, hair deep, and just a joke. When someone made fun or mocked her blood, her origins, her history… they were truly disgusted by something Lily had no control over.

Lily was a muggle-born and to be suddenly introduced to a world of magic was amazing! She never imagined that something so new and wonderful to her could be so ugly to someone else.

Instead of rolling her eyes or showing off her middle finger, Lily would keep her head down and walk faster, trying to blend into the crowd (as much as her bright red hair would let her).

She had heard stories of what the pureblood elitists would do to poor muggle-borns who stood up for themselves. Hell, she had seen it herself: the poor lad hung upside down and was mocked at before being dropped into the Great Lake.

"I hope the Giant Squid eats you, filthy mudblood!" The wretched crowd jeered. After having their fill and watching him struggle in the water for a bit, they finally left before any professor could arrive and stop their cruelty.

That's when the neighboring crowd sprang into action and helped the poor boy out of the lake. The wet Hufflepuff sobbed his heart out as his friends wrapped blankets around his shivering body and tried their best to comfort him.

Lily didn't do anything. She just watched from afar and wondered, _That could have been me._

It was a horrible thought. She knew that. And a selfish one at that.

There was a sad first year who just went through a traumatic event and here she was, thinking only of herself and what could have happened to her.

Lily was lucky in a way. The first time someone called her a mudblood, she had no idea what it meant, but knew enough by how foully worded it was and how nasty it sounded coming out of a Slytherin's mouth that she immediately mouthed right back and gave that sleazy fourth year a piece of her mind.

Immediately, she knew something was going to go wrong. She was a first year at that time, so she barely knew any spells, except maybe wingardium leviosa, but that wasn't really going to help her in this situation. When the fourth year lifted his wand, Lily all but stood there in fright wondering what that boy was going to do to her.

That was when Severus stepped in and stopped him. Promising the boy that Lily was only joking and she would never say anything to him again.

Lily just stood there, taking it all in, not being able to say a word. She would have been cursed to oblivion if Severus wasn't there. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, but Lily just stood there. How very Gryffindor of her… _not_.

The fourth year jeered at her and Severus. "The mudblood disrespected me," he spoke with such an air of superiority, Lily would have rolled her eyes if she wasn't so scared.

"She didn't mean it, Nott," Severus said, calmly stepping in between her and the boy.

He put his hands up and spoke slowly, "She was only joking, right Lily?"

Lily's face was pale white but she managed to nod jerkily.

"I want her to apologize to me," the crooked toothed boy demanded.

"What?" Severus asked.

"Tell the mudblood to apologize to me."

Lily wanted with all her heart to say no. She wanted Severus to do something, even though he did plenty by just standing up for her.

"Lily?" Severus looked at her with a pained grimace.

 _No, I won't say sorry to you, monster_ , Lily wanted to say.

"Well, mudblood?" the boy jeered, he not so subtly grabbed his wand, which caused Lily's heart to beat faster.

"I'm… sorry," she managed to choke out.

"That's all I wanted to hear." The boy smirked evilly and patted Severus on the shoulder. "See you around, Snape."

After he left, Lily let out a shuddery breath she didn't realize she was holding and ran in the opposite direction.

Sobbing, she found a corner to hide in and ignored Severus's calls after her.

That was last year.

She was a second year now.

She was stronger. At least that was what she told herself.

Still, as she watched scenes of prideful Slytherins "teaching muggle-borns a lesson", part of her (or most of her) was too terrified to do anything but watch from the sidelines.

If the Marauders (yes, that's what they were calling themselves now) were there, they would have done something.

Pureblood James was the defender of the weak poor muggle-borns, or at least that's what he liked to believe about himself. Arrogant git he was.

Whatever, Lily didn't need him from anything. Maybe that's why she got all mad when he tried to defend her in anything.

She felt weak, but she wanted to be stronger and she didn't need James to be strong for her.

Really, all James wanted to do was help, but Lily didn't want to acknowledge that one bit.

If James and his friends were at the Great Lake when that Hufflepuff boy was being dunked, they would have fought the Slytherins to distract them and saved the boy from any further humiliation.

But the Marauders were not there and Lily just stood there and watched.

In her defense, none of the Marauders were actually muggle-born. In fact, James and Sirius were full purebloods. Not like Sirius was proud of that fact, but still.

Later that day, the Marauders did in fact get their revenge on the Slytherins by throwing an elaborate prank on the Slytherin house during dinner at the Dining Hall.

All their clothing and hair turned Gryffindor red and gold and they must have been dosed with itching powder because they all started scratching themselves like crazy.

Apparently, the only way to get rid of the itching was to douse oneself in water so the Slytherin house began throwing cups of water on themselves to relieve the itching while the other houses watched and laughed.

Lily couldn't help but feel sad as she watched Severus do the same thing. Severus who didn't share the same beliefs as the other Slytherins. In fact, there were quite a few Slytherins who never did any of the bullying, yet suffered the same consequences as everyone else.

"Gryffindors rule!" James and Sirius shouted in the Dining Hall.

Lily just went back to eating her mashed potatoes.

While the professors tried to calm the Slytherins and fix them up, Lily managed to sneak out to go back to her room.

"Evans," a voice called behind her.

Apparently, she wasn't sneaky enough. "Potter," she said with a note of disdain.

"That was quite a prank, wasn't it? I wonder who thought it up," James casually commented as he walked by her side.

"Can it, Potter, I know it was you."

"Prove it," James challenged, a teasing tone at the edge of his voice.

"Obviously, the culprit who committed the crime was a proud Gryffindor who hates all Slytherins with nothing better to do with his—"

"Or her," James added.

"Or her life," Lily finished with a nod.

"But the spell was too complicated for a little second year like me," James said innocently, "I mean the person casting the spells had to know the color changing spell, the itching spell, and a spell that reverses everything when doused in water. You know," James explained, "to parallel the bullying they did to that Hufflepuff when they threw him in the Great Lake? You heard about that, right?"

"Yeah, I got that," Lily huffed.

"The person doing the spells had to be a genius mastermind," James said grinning.

Lily breathed through her nose. "Stop complimenting yourself. And you're not as dumb as you look."

"You too," James said, and then immediately shook his head. "Not that you look dumb or anything."

"Thanks," Lily said shortly. _Why were the Gryffindor rooms so far away?_

"I saw you practicing self-defense charms the other day. You're really good at them."

"I like charms," Lily said, "And I want to know more spells to protect myself."

"Protect yourself from the Slytherins, you mean," James said, darkly.

"From anyone," Lily corrected, "and not all Slytherins are bad, Potter. You have to stop targeting them as a whole."

"All they care about is blood status. They are all horrible people."

"And you're just like them," Lily retorted.

James stopped in his steps and Lily faltered a bit thinking maybe she went a bit too far, but not taking back what she said.

James just stared at her, not saying a word.

Lily explained what she said, "All you care about is the Gryffindor house and you judge all Slytherins as a whole even when some Slytherins have done nothing wrong. Just like those bullies pick on all muggle-borns just for being muggle-born. You're a bully, James. You're no different than they are."

James swallowed roughly, his Adam's apple moved up and down. "Maybe you're right, Lily. Maybe I am a bully."

He called her Lily and he said it so softly and with so much hurt, Lily didn't like it one bit. As James walked faster and with more vigor back to his room, Lily couldn't help but feel she was the bully.

She never held back from speaking her mind with James. She was honest and blunt. With anyone else, she kept her mouth shut and stayed terrified. Maybe it was because deep down, she knew James would never hurt her no matter how much she hurt him.

And Lily hurt him a lot that day.

She essentially called him the same as those bullies who dunked a crying Hufflepuff into the Great Lake and called people horrible slurs on a daily basis.

Of course, James wasn't like that. Everything James did was with a good and true heart, but he was too far away for Lily to say that and Lily didn't want to track him down and confront him again. Not when he seemed so disappointed.

* * *

The next few days felt awkward as James stopped his advances towards Lily and tried to mind his own business.

He didn't seem mad at her, but Lily always saw a layer of hurt when she saw him. When she noticed him in the halls of the school, he would give her a tight lipped smile and then they would go separate ways.

Lily also noticed the pranks seemed to stop during those days. And whenever there was a mini prank, it seemed half-hearted, like a key player in the pranking business just dropped out.

Hogwarts morale seemed to decrease rapidly in those days and Lily couldn't help but feel it was her fault.

The next few days were strange. But Lily began to notice other things about James she hadn't seen or cared about before.

Take away his voice, and his actions shined through.

The same Hufflepuff that was bullied earlier by the Slytherins was found cornered once more and scared out of his mind.

This time, Lily convinced herself, she was going to stand up for what was right and defend the kid before he got hurt again. But before she got the chance, as always, James Potter came to the rescue.

Lily faltered in her steps as she saw James approach the group of five Slytherins.

"What seems to be the problem?" James asked with a faux calm voice.

"Bugger off, Potter," the short, stumpy Slytherin said, before turning back to the Hufflepuff.

"No, I don't think I will bugger off. How about you?"

"What?" the group turned back to him and before they could say, or do, anything else, James punched their leader in the face.

 _Rookie mistake, Potter_ , Lily thought to herself, _it is never a good idea to throw the first punch._

It was five people against one James Potter, but James seemed to be putting up a good fight. Two of the bullies grabbed James from behind and held his arms back so he couldn't throw any more punches. However, that didn't stop James from kicking the Slytherin in front of him with all his might. A crowd gathered around them to watch the fighting, but the crowd fortunately also drew in professors, so the fight was put to a halt before James could have gotten seriously hurt… not that Lily cared if he got hurt or not.

Lily saw that during the fight, the Hufflepuff boy managed to slip away and escape from the grasp of the Slytherin team, which was exactly what James wanted.

Hearing McGonagall yell at the Slytherins and James, Lily slipped away to follow the Hufflepuff to the same corner where she broke down the year before after a Slytherin had bullied her.

"I know you're not alright," Lily said cautiously as she approached the boy in the dark crevice of the hall. "But is it okay if I join you?"

The boy looked up at her with a startled face, but slowly nodded as he tried to quickly wipe away his tears.

Lily took a seat next to him against the wall and stretched out her legs. The two of them sat like that for a few minutes as the Hufflepuff boy calmed his breathing and tried to wipe away the rest of his tears. The abandoned hallway was calm and silent. A bit echoey from the students walking and chatting in the other passageways, but in a nice way.

After a while, once the boy seemed to collect his bearings, Lily turned to him and introduced herself. "I'm Lily by the way. Lily Evans."

"I know who you are," the boy muttered.

Lily looked at him confused.

"You and James always have the loudest fights in the Dining Hall," the boy clarified.

"Ah, yes. I guess that would make us quite the infamous duo." Lily nodded.

"Not infamous, just funny," the boy said with a grin.

Well, I introduced myself," Lily said. "What's your name?"

Suddenly, "Renner Abbott!" A voice called out.

Ah, so that was his name.

Lily and Renner both looked up to see James walking up to them sporting a bloody nose.

"James!" Renner's face lit up as he the saw the one year elder walk towards them.

James sat on the other side of Renner, stretching his legs, and the two of them exchanged some weird manly handshake while Lily watched in confusion.

"You two know each other?" she asked.

"Hell yeah," James said, enthusiastically. "Renner is my main man! He gets me in on all the great muggle candies of the world. Speaking of, you got any Mars Bars coming my way anytime soon?" James squeezed Renner's shoulders in a friendly manner. "Those are my favorite."

"You know it, James." Renner smiled at James's enthusiasm and attention.

Lily still watched in silence so James clarified further, "Renner's dad works with a muggle candy company."

"Huh." Lily nodded. "So you, uh, did you get in trouble for, you know?" Lily pointed off-handedly to James's bloody nose.

James smirked. "Oh yeah, loads of detention. But it was so worth it."

"I'm sorry I got you in trouble," Renner said quietly.

"Are you kidding me, mate?" James turned to look at Renner, "That was the best fun I've had in quite a while. You just gave me an excuse to do it." James laughed and punched Renner in the arm jokingly until Renner laughed too.

"I wish I could stand up for myself and fight them myself," Renner's whole demeanor changed as he looked worn out and disappointed in himself. "I hate when they call me mudblood. A few months ago, I didn't even know what a mudblood was, let alone that magic existed. And now, they won't leave me alone."

Lily had never related to another human being more than in that moment.

"I'm sorry you have to go through that, Ren," James said. "I wish I could help you."

"You do plenty," Renner reassured the raven haired boy. "Every time I see you stand up to those bullies, it gives me courage to maybe one day stand up for myself too."

"Whenever you want to stand up to them, let me know and I'll be your back up." James grinned.

"I'm counting on it." Renner grinned back. "All those Mars Bars have to count for something, right?"

"What can I say, muggle candy is just better than wizard candy. Right, Lily?" James asked, drawing her back into the conversation.

"Definitely. Mars Bars are my favorite too," Lily commented.

"I didn't know that." James smiled, learning a new tidbit about his crush.

"Now you do. And there's more to muggles than just candy," Lily responded. "Like… rubber ducks." She didn't really know what she was saying.

Renner giggled next to her. "Oh, yes. Rubber ducks are a real major part of muggle culture."

"Ducks? That are rubber?" James seemed to be in awe of that idea. "And what do they do?"

"Why they swim, of course," Renner exclaimed, all traces of tears and sadness disappeared completely from his face as Lily burst out laughing.

"That's bloody amazing. You think I should take muggle studies next year?" James asked. "Arthur Weasley said he took it last year and he told us it changed his life."

"Sure, maybe you'll learn grammar and basic life skills in that class that'll get you through the real world instead of random wizarding spells and potions that most likely won't get you a job anywhere," Lily sassed.

"I know grammar and words and talking sentences," James stuttered indignantly.

"Oh, yeah," Lily challenged. "Did you know Renner's name is a palindrome?"

"A what?" James and Renner both questioned.

"A palindrome is a word that can be spelled the same way backwards and forwards. Like racecar and the names Bob and Hannah," Lily explained.

"In James's defense, I didn't know that either," Renner commented.

James leaned back against the wall and stared ahead. "If you have a kid, Renner Abbott, you should definitely name them 'Palindrome'."

"Or Bob," Lily added as she also leaned against the wall.

Renner was the final one to lean against the wall and the three of them stared into the future ahead of them. "Yeah, maybe I will."

When the three of them parted ways as the day was coming to a close, Lily and James started walking in the same direction as Renner went the opposite way to get to the Hufflepuff Common Room.

The two of them walked slowly back to their dormitory, as the awkwardness became palpable with Renner gone and not being their buffer anymore. James ran his fingers through his soft, pillowy hair and pulled on it a little, and Lily resisted the urge to smack his hands.

She gulped, taking the first step to resolve the tension. "When you told Renner that you would have fought the Slytherins anyway and them picking on Renner was just an excuse for you to have fun. Did you mean it?"

_Wow, Lily, great way to ease the tension. Asking the real tension-free questions._

James sighed and played with his hair some more, as Lily resisted the urge to pull his hands down and handcuff them. "Do you really think that low of me, Evans?"

At least he called her Evans again instead of Lily in that hurt voice of his. Even though his voice sounded pretty hurt at this moment too.

"I don't—"

But James interrupted Lily before she could say anything else, "I told Renner that so he wouldn't feel guilty about me getting detention, which he shouldn't feel guilty about anyway. Believe it or not, Evans, I'm not a horrible monster that picks on people for fun. And it also may come as a surprise to you, but I don't actually enjoy getting bloody noses on a regular basis!"

Lily stared at him in shock and then chuckled a little.

"What is it?" James asked in an annoyed tone.

"I think this is the first time you've done the yelling in our arguments. Usually I'm the one who's red in the face mad while you're the calm and collected teaser."

"Would you like me to yell at you more?" James offered.

Lily shook her head 'no', but still chuckled, "I actually prefer when I'm doing the yelling." She pursed her lips in thought. "I kind of miss our screaming matches. It was a great way to let off steam."

James smirked and looked at the ground as he walked. "You never did hold back in our arguments."

"I didn't mean what I said, _James._ " Lily stopped in her steps and this time, it was James that looked startled at the mention of his first name. "Every day, I feel exactly like Renner and I'm sure other muggle-borns feel the exact same way. We live in constant fear with Death Eaters and the rise of You-Know-Who and—"

"Voldemort," James said with defiance. "His name is Voldemort and we shouldn't fear a name. I am lucky. I know that. I have two wizard parents and I was always taught to speak my mind, stand for what I believe in, and fight for it too. I know it's hard for you and I can't imagine the horror of needing to hide your blood status and be ashamed just for having the gift of magic, but I also know you, Lily Evans, and I know that you are brave and you also stand for what you believe in. The way you comforted Renner—"

"I'm not brave though. That's what I'm trying to say. In my first year, someone," Lily struggled to find her words, "Someone made me— made me apologize for being a muggle-born." Lily looked at James, her green eyes watering. "And I did. I apologized. Because I was scared and I wasn't brave."

"Do you want to be brave?" James asked her as the two of them started walking again towards their room once more.

"What?" Lily asked hoarsely, looking at James. He was a few centimeters shorter than Lily, him not reaching his growth spurt quite yet.

"Do you want to be brave?" James repeated, slowly.

"Yes, of course I do. I am a Gryffindor after all."

James smiled and tousled his hair. "Then that's all that matters. If you want something or want to be something, you'll get there. And it's harder for you because you're the one actually facing the threats and the Death Eaters. I'm sure if people started harassing others for, I don't know, being astonishingly handsome, then I wouldn't be all that brave either. You know, cause the threat would be against me… for being astonishingly handsome."

Lily laughed and slightly shoved James. "Yeah, I got that, Potter."

"You called me James." He scratched the back of his head. "You know... before."

"You called me Lily," she responded.

James pursed his lips and tried not to sound too excited. "So, is that what we're calling each other now?"

Lily bit her lower lip. "How about I start calling you that when you've earned it officially. Today was a kind of trial run."

"And the verdict?" James asked.

"Not bad, but it might take a while for us to reach first name status full time," Lily joked. "It is a high honor."

"I can wait. I think I'm pretty patient."

Lily smiled. "Are you now?"

"Of course, you think prank playing is an easy job? There's a lot of planning ahead and crouching in wait. The crouching is the worst!"

Lily looked at James with quiet concern. "I noticed there haven't been many pranks going around of late. Any particular reason why?"

"You think it was because you yelled at me?" James looked at her and then gave a soft smile. "Maybe a little. But you did help me see straight. You were right about some Slytherins not deserving the brunt of the pranks, so I've been revising my pranking methods."

"Have you now?" Lily asked. "Should I be worried?"

"Our next prank will be on the Ravenclaws. Since their so obsessed with their books…" James raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Potter, what are you going to do?"

"Don't worry, their books will go back to normal after a few hours," James reassured.

"They will not be happy with you," Lily warned.

"But it will be so funny," James grinned at just the thought of his next prank. "It was actually Remus's idea. He plays the innocent bystander, but he's really our prankster mastermind... not to give away any of our secrets."

"Speaking of, where are your friends anyway?" Lily asked. "I thought they would have joined you in your fight with the Slytherins."

"Oh, they're in the Infirmary. At least Remus is, and Sirius and Peter are with him."

Lily looked concerned. "What happened?"

"Remus came back from a visit to his grandmothers and fell down the stairs at her home."

"Oh my, that's terrible! I hope he's okay."

"Yeah, me too. He's so clumsy. It's been happening a lot." James scratched the back of his head and tried to act nonchalant about it, but Lily could tell he was concerned for his friend. "Anyway, I should probably go check up on him."

"At the infirmary? We've reached the common rooms, the infirmary is in a complete other hall."

James blushed and his voice squeaked a little as he admitted, "I just wanted to walk you back to your dorm."

Lily tried to hide her blush. "Well thanks, Potter, but I'm no damsel in distress."

"Just appreciate the gesture, Lily flower, I know you liked it."

Now Lily was really blushing. "We are _not_ on first name basis yet, _Potter_ ," she warned jokingly.

"Of course, of course, _Evans_ flower," James teased. "It just doesn't have the same ring to it though, does it?"

"I think it'll grow on you," Lily's eyes twinkled.

"Was that a plant pun, Evans?"

"What can I say? I'm _too-lip_ good at this. Now go check up on Lupin, I'm sure he's _wilting_ to see you."

"And you won't even give me a chance to retaliate." James shook his head. "We'll see who the true pun master is soon enough."

"I mean, you can _tree._ " Lily shrugged. "But I think _wheat_ all know who won this round."

"You mean this _rose-ooound_?" James attempted at making a flower pun.

Lily cringed. "Oo, okay." She lightly patted his shoulder. "It's okay, you're still young. You have years to work on your pun mastery."

"We're the same age!"

"Yeah, but in Pun Years, I am way more mature than you."

"You just wait for my pun spurt, I'll be way punnier than you," James promised.

"Pun spurt?" Lily questioned.

"Like growth spurt!"

Lily shook her head and tried to hide her laugh. "Lupin?" she tried to remind him.

"Oh, yeah." James remembered his friend in the infirmary. "I should go. Bye, Evans flower!" he called out as he ran in the other direction.

"Bye, Potter."

Smiling, Lily stepped into her room and pulled out her journal. She had a lot to write down that day.

* * *

After that incident, a few weeks had passed and it seemed like things had been getting back on track. James and his gang of Marauders had upped their pranking and it seemed like when they began pranking other groups, their creativity levels had gone through the roof. It seemed like everybody was enjoying the harmless, fun pranks. Even the Slytherins seemed to let out a sigh of relief as they realized that they weren't the only targets anymore and could enjoy watching others get pranked too.

Various classes, houses, years, and floors got pranked and so far, nobody seemed to complain. It was just a minor inconvenience that brightened other people's day (and got them a free pass out of class once in a while).

Everyday discussions over dinner would usually be about who the Marauders would prank next and if they would be caught or not. They were innocent until proven guilty, of course. But everyone, including the professors, knew it was them.

Maybe it was just Lily's wishful thinking, but she thought she noticed a decrease in Slytherin bullying as well. Maybe the Slytherins had changed as well, she hoped.

Of course she had jinxed it, because the very next day she thought that, she was cornered by a Slytherin. Luckily, she was prepared and had a few jinxes up her sleeve just in case.

She had finished all her classes that evening and was ready to walk to dinner when she was stuck in a dark, secluded hallway with a Slytherin. The same one that taunted her the year before.

"Hey, mudblood," Nott called out from behind her. It looked like he was quietly lurking in a dark corner, like a hungry beast waiting for its prey.

Lily clutched her books and walked faster, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Stop!" the bully commanded.

She didn't know why she did and every inch of her wanted to keep moving, but she stopped. She didn't want to run away anymore. She didn't want to apologize anymore.

She wanted to be brave.

She turned around so quickly, even the Slytherin took a small step back in surprise.

"What?" she harshly bit out.

Nott quickly got back his resolve and sneered, "Was that some anger I heard, little mudblood? I don't really appreciate that tone."

He walked closer and Lily could feel her throat closing up and all that bravery she had a second ago was slowly draining. She still had her books clutched tightly in her hands and her wand hidden there too, but her hands were so clammy she thought if she moved, she would drop it.

 _So much for all the hexes, charms, and jinxes she learned_ , Lily thought to herself.

"You know," Nott said as he stood closely in front of her, she could smell some alcohol off his breath, "I never got to teach you that lesson for mouthing off to me that other year. I know you apologized, but, uh, I never got the feeling you meant it. You know what I mean?"

Lily tried to get her hand to move, her feet to move. Anything. _Just run away_ , her brain screamed.

Suddenly, there was a sound of a voice clearing its throat. Lily glanced up to see it was James Potter leaning against the side of the hallway entrance watching the scene enfold.

"Potter," Nott snarled, "What are you doing here? Want to start a fight? Cause I have some spells that'll make you feel some real pain," he held up his wand and waved it a little as he straggled to the side in his drunken state.

"I was considering it," James said, coolly, "But I see Evans, here, has it all under control and she's no damsel in distress."

"This one?" Nott questioned, pointing at Lily. "She's so scared, look at her. Nothing but dirty, sniveling mudblood is all she is."

James seemed to have had enough of intoxicated Nott and made his way towards him, but before he had the chance, Lily used all the strength she had and used all her books to WHACK Nott right in the face, sending him straight to the hard ground of Hogwarts castle.

"Don't ever call me mudblood ever again," Lily growled. "Ever."

Nott looked up at Lily and held his cheek which was starting to greatly bruise in all shades of red, there was true fear in his eyes. Lily must have looked terrifying for an upper classman to look at her with such terror.

"Do I make myself clear?" Lily asked.

Nott was still silent.

"Do I?" she asked again, this time louder.

Nott nodded vigorously.

Lily smiled, a hard glint in her eye. "Good. Now apologize," she demanded.

"What?" Nott asked hoarsely. Even James looked at her with surprise.

"You heard me," Lily said. "Apologize for calling me a mudblood."

Nott stayed silence, the fear slowly leaving him and being replaced with a seething hatred once more.

Lily crouched down and looked him straight in the eye, her wand held firmly in her grasp. "Because if you don't," she continued, "I have some spells that'll make you feel some real pain."

Nott's eyes widened at Lily's repeat of the words he had said before. "I-I'm sorry."

Now Lily relaxed, feeling she had full control of the situation.

"Now I'm going to leave. But I do hope you learned your lesson because I don't ever want to see your ugly face even look in my direction ever again. Goodbye now."

And she stood up, gathered her books, and walked away, James following closely behind, his mouth hanging slightly open in mesmerized awe.

Then from behind the two of them came a loud, "SECTUM—"

But Lily had been practicing her spells and was prepared. She quickly turned and cast a shield charm and then a bat boogey hex.

"Volatilis Lutum!" Lily exclaimed while at the same time James yelled, "Run!"

And he and Lily took off before Nott could retaliate and get rid of the hex.

Turning through different hallways and corridors, James and Lily made sure they were a good distance away before leaning against a wall to catch their breath.

Then, Lily burst out laughing. James looked at her in surprise, his hands still on his knees as he took in her ecstatic form. And then he burst out laughing too.

"Bloody hell, Evans! That. Was. Amazing!" James exclaimed in between laughs.

"I feel amazing!" Lily choked out, tears prickling in the corner of her eyes from laughing so hard.

"The way you threw the words he said right back in his face… and that bat bogey hex! Holy merlin, that was so cool!"

Lily grinned from ear to ear. "It was, wasn't it?"

"I knew you had it in you!" James said proudly.

"I feel braver. I don't think those Slytherin bullies who think they're so much better than me could ever scare me again. Not them, not the death eaters. Not even Vol— Voldemort."

James stared at her with unhindered pride and shook his head as he looked down. "I don't think I can ever get over this momentous day. This day should be in history books. This day should be a national holiday."

"The day Lily became a true Gryffindor," Lily commented.

"No way," James disagreed. When Lily looked at him with confusion, he clarified, "You were always a true Gryffindor. You just embraced your inner self."

Lily huffed and said, "You are so cheesy."

Shrugging, James replied, "I just think everyone has a little bit Gryffindor in each of them and that's what makes them so great. And that's what makes Gryffindors extra great," he joked.

Lily chuckled. "Oh really? Even the Slytherins that you hate so much? Do they have a bit of Gryffindor in them?"

James thought about it for a bit before he answered, "I suppose they do. And maybe we have a little Slytherin in us too. And Hufflepuff. And Ravenclaw."

"I have a little Slytherin in me?"

"Oh, definitely. You more than most," James teased. "The way you made Nott apologize... I mean, if that's not Slytherin, I don't know what is."

"Hey!" Lily laughed. "If I had to be another house, I would want to be in Ravenclaw. I would be a GryffinClaw." Lily thought about it for a moment. "Or a RavenDor."

"I'd like to be Hufflepuff. A GryffinPuff!" James said excitedly.

"Is the great James Potter actually considering the possibility of being in another house?" Lily teased.

"You think I'm great?" James smirked.

"I think you think you're great."

"I think you think that I think that— I'm just confused now." James scratched the back of his head.

They both burst out laughing again and as the adrenaline began to wear out, the two of them realized how tired they were.

Lily swallowed roughly, not being able to acknowledge that she was actually having fun talking to James Potter. "I better go now. Busy day tomorrow and all that."

"Oh." James seemed surprised. "Oh yeah, same here. Totally. I should go too."

Except their busy day tomorrow was a weekend with no plans and nothing to do. But they would never admit that. _Oh the woes of pre-pubescent awkwardness._

As the both of them turned to go in separate directions, their heads and heart whirring with strange feelings, it felt like a new chapter in their lives had begun. One with more understanding of how the other half lives.

Settling on her comfy bed, Lily decided it was time for a new journal entry.

* * *

_Dear Deer Journal,_

_I feel like every time I talk to you, it's about something James Potter has done. James Potter this. James Potter that. Well, today… it's no different._

_James Potter helped me be brave._

_That was something I never thought I would ever say (write) out loud (on paper), but it's true._

_I just remembered my first year when I was confronted by Nott and I was so scared and Severus was there and I should have felt safe with my friend by my side. But I didn't. I felt scared and violated and I never wanted to feel like that again._

_Today, it happened again, but this time it was Potter._

Lily paused in her writing and re-thought her words.

 _It was James,_ she corrected.

_And he was by my side and I wasn't scared anymore. I felt brave. I mean, he didn't do anything. I stood up for myself, but it felt really good having someone by my side who didn't make me apologize for being who I am._

_I am a muggleborn and I am proud of that. I'm proud that my parents are muggle and I can have the best of both worlds. The wizarding world and the muggle world. They're both lucky to have Lily Evans in it._

Lily smiled as she re-read her words.

_That feels really good to finally write. It was almost like I was ashamed of both halves of my life for so long. At Hogwarts, it's a shame to be a muggleborn and at home, it's a shame to be a witch. Not to my parents, of course, but to my sister. I just wish she would accept me as who I am. One day, we could both have kids and they would be best friends and have play dates together and we could go to the zoo and—_

Lily stopped writing and realized how silly her dream was. She didn't even notice she was crying until a tear drop landed on the paper and stained the paper.

Wiping her eyes, Lily continued, _I'm getting carried away. What I'm trying to say is that I am proud of who I am and I am never ever going to let anyone bring me down again._

_Older Lily: If you're reading this and feeling down about yourself, twelve year old Lily has a message for you. You are brave. You are strong. You are Lily Evans._

She smiled softly to herself as she whispered the message to herself. Despite her dislike of James, she kind of owed this breakthrough to him. James helped her unlock a side of her that was hidden for so long.

Whenever she looked at James, she saw an arrogant git who only cared about himself and his house, but when Lily got to know him more, she realized that he cared about people. People other than himself.

James was a protector. Defender of the defenseless. And Lily didn't realize it, or didn't want to realize it, until he wheedled his way into her life and opened her up.

James was loyal. Not just to one house, but to people. His friends. And it didn't matter what house they were in.

It was time to revamp her reasons why she "hated" James Potter. Lily was even considering changing the word "hate" to "strongly dislike", but then decided against it since it was too wordy.

She began to write down the reasons, flipping from the current page to the page with the original list.

When she go to reason six: _he thinks Gryffindors are better than all the other houses_ , she stopped and put her quill down.

Looking at the new list, Lily pursed her lips. Now that reason six was out. She only had five reasons left why she hated James Potter.

But they were good reasons, Lily tried to convince herself.

She hated James. She had to.

He had dumb prejudices (towards Severus) and dumb friends and even dumber hair.

That damn dumb hair.

Lily rolled her eyes as she shut her journal and got ready for bed. She was worried about nothing. As if she could ever _not_ hate (strongly dislike) James Potter…


	4. Year 3 Part I

_Reasons Why I Hate James Potter (3.0)_

_1\. He always runs his fingers through his hair_

_2\. He is ugly inside and out_

_3\. He is mean to Severus_

_4\. He just likes annoying me and it's just a game to him_

_**5\. His friends are the worst (so annoying!)** _

* * *

_Show me your friends and I'll show you your future._

Sometimes the quote proved to be true. Perhaps that was why people chose to be around others of similar tastes and personalities. Hufflepuffs stayed with Hufflepuffs. Ravenclaws with Ravenclaws. And on and on.

It made sense that Slytherins banded together and many of them moved on to become Death Eaters. They were friends in school and that became their future.

With the Marauders, the story was different. It was like the four of them had four completely different personalities and it seemed like they had four completely different futures ahead of them as well.

James was the leader. He held the group together whether he knew it or not. Lily had a feeling that if he left, the whole bunch of them would fall apart. He was the peacekeeper. Whenever there were fights within the group, as it would normally happen after living together for so long, James would always be the one to jump in and ease the tension. Whether it be Remus yelling at Peter for getting cookie crumbs on the beds, or Peter yelling at Sirius for eating his cookies, or Sirius yelling at Remus and Peter for yelling while he was sleeping, James always there to make everything better.

As a leader and protector, James wanted a future as an Auror.

Remus was the brains. He was the one the group came to for homework help. Even though James and Sirius were brilliant in their own right, if only they focused their attention on schoolwork a bit more, Remus was the studious one who understood the texts and content of their schoolwork the best. But, he was also the one they came to for pranking help. He knew how to scour the books at the library until he found the perfect spell for a prank they would never teach in Charms class. Being on all the professors' soft side, he knew how to abate the punishment the professor had in store for them after the prank went completely wrong (or completely right). While Remus may have looked like the innocent one in the pranking, as he liked all the professors to believe, Remus was the mastermind behind it all.

As an educator and helper, Remus wanted a future as a teacher.

Peter was the sidekick. Along for the ride. The person who always cheered them on from the sidelines and scampered away before he got into any real trouble. He encouraged them, but always put himself first. After a prank would take place, Peter would always look left and right, making sure no one saw him do the part that was assigned to him. Always hidden in the shadows, Peter made sure he got none of the blame, but all of the glory of being called a "Marauder."

As a follower and a coward, Peter wanted a future that was safe.

Sirius was the troublemaker, but Lily could not deny that he would do anything for his friends. He would always put them first. When they got in trouble, Sirius would not hesitate to take all the blame. All with a cheeky smile and flirty eyes, he would proudly admit to whatever crime took place regardless of how much detention was in store. He was loyal to the end.

As a wildcard and a rebel, Sirius had no idea what he wanted for the future. He just wanted an adventure.

The groups' dynamic was strange.

It was obvious from the start that James and Sirius were the closest. They had the most similar personalities, even though Sirius would never be able to hold the leadership position James had. James tended to be more amiable with Remus and Peter, while Sirius could never really keep his mouth shut. His big mouth and often abrasive and sarcastic personality had gotten him in trouble more than once. James was luckily there to balance him out. That was how they worked.

While James and Sirius weren't as close with Remus and Peter as they were with each other, the bond the four shared was still stronger than any other friendship. To put it simply, they would die for each other.

Lily did not understand that fact until her third year at Hogwarts. The year she learned something she wasn't supposed to know. A secret that changed her dynamic with the Marauders forever.

It's not like Lily had completely hated the Marauders as a whole. Not in the way she hated James at least. But if they stuck around with James for so long and actually liked him, then they had to be something like him: obnoxious, rude, and downright annoying.

Whenever James would flirt with her and try to woo her, the other Marauders stood behind him making kissy noises and overall being plain ole pains in the behind.

While she mainly tried to ignore them, she couldn't help but be pulled into the group's odd and alluring charisma, and their strange interactions. Especially around Remus Lupin.

She had her suspicions since second year. Remus was getting injured way too often to simply be an accident. At first, Lily thought he was getting abused and beaten by someone. The injuries were much too severe. Then Lily began to notice a pattern. One she simply couldn't place her finger on, but knew was there.

One day after witnessing Remus with a surprisingly large bruise and a gaunt face, Lily had to find out more. She never had a face to face conversation with Remus per say, so she went to her only friend at Hogwarts to learn what was going on with her fellow Gryffindor.

"Do you think something's wrong with Lupin?" Lily asked Severus as they worked on homework lying the grass outdoors.

"Lupin?" Severus asked.

"Remus Lupin, the Gryffindor?" Lily asked.

"You mean the one who always hangs around Potter and Black? Who gives a damn? There's something wrong with the whole lot of them," he said bitterly as he flipped to the next page of the textbook.

"No, I just mean—" Lily sighed knowing it was a lost cause. "Never mind."

She realized Severus would never care and she wondered why she even cared in the first place.

But that was who Lily was and she did care. The next evening, Lily approached Remus while he was alone, which was frustratingly difficult as he was always surrounded by his rowdy gang of friends.

"Remus," Lily said as she sat across from the wiry blond at the library.

Remus looked up from his work in surprise. "Lily," he said, "Do you need something?"

"Um, no. Not exactly," Lily said awkwardly. Now that she was actually facing the teen, she did not really know what to say, "I just wanted to know where that bruise came from."

She pointed to his neck and chin where the wound was healing and fading quickly.

"Oh," Remus looked at her with widened eyebrows and adjusted the collar of his uniform to try and hide more of the damaged skin, "It's nothing to worry about. I just fell down the stairs, but Madam Pomfrey gave me a healing potion that works like a charm, no pun intended."

But Lily did not have time for any jokes, "This is what? The fifth time you've used the stairs as an excuse?"

"I don't—"

"Are Potter and Black hurting you?" Lily asked quickly, "Are they using you as a punching bag or something?"

"What the fu—" Remus looked flabbergasted. "Merlin, Lily! Why the bloody hell would you say that?" he practically yelled at her.

Seeing as they were in the library and many eyes turned to look at the two of them, Remus quickly got up, grabbed his belongings, and headed for the exit.

Lily raced after him. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that they're both on the Quidditch team and they're getting stronger and—"

"And what exactly? I'm small and weak and they would just use me as a punching bag when they're bored because you think they're evil like that? Maybe you've been hanging out with the wrong Slytherins too much, Lily, because James and Sirius would never, _ever_ hurt me," he stopped in his steps and glared at her, breathing heavily from walking quickly. "They've done more for me than you will ever know. Stay out of my business and don't talk about what you don't know." And with that, he walked away.

But that wasn't who Lily was and she had to know more. If Remus was in trouble, Lily had to know the truth so she could help him. If James and Sirius were hurting him, Lily had to know. On the outside, they may seem like the best of friends, but Lily knew from experience that friendships aren't always what they seem on the outside and people aren't always who they say they are.

Her own friendship with Severus seemed on edge for the past year, ever since the black haired boy decided to spend more time around the more shady Slytherin characters. Whenever Lily would confront him and ask him what they were up to he would get nervous and push her way, insisting it was nothing, that he just wanted to get to know the people of his house better.

Lily would argue that they were the wrong crowd of Slytherins and that they were Death Eaters, but then he would glare at her and say, "I thought you didn't judge, Lily."

Lily wondered what happened to her childhood friend who she knew even before Hogwarts. The boy she used to play on the swings with and make mud pies in the rain.

If he could change and push her away, Lily knew that the Marauders, as strong as their friendship seemed, could change as well.

James and Sirius were both capable of physically hurting people. Sirius had violent tendencies, finding reasons to fight the Slytherins in every which way. While James was less so, he would not hesitate to jump to Sirius's defense if he needed it.

Lily didn't want to believe that they could do it, but it was not like Remus was around anyone else and James and Sirius were the only two who looked physically capable of doing that much damage to the boy.

While they hadn't fully hit their growth spurt, James and Sirius were slowly but surely maturing, growing taller and taller. James had even reached Lily's height, which he made sure to let her know as soon as he noticed. James and Sirius were both on the Quidditch team since second year and the constant movement had definitely helped form their physique. Something Lily had to constantly hear about in her dormitory from her girly roommates.

Deciding to learn more, Lily chose to sit nearby the Marauders in the common room while they didn't notice. The four of them sat around the fireplace, taking up the whole space. Sirius laid stretched out on the couch, Peter took the big comfy chair, while Remus and James sat on the floor, James leaning against Sirius's couch.

Lily, on the other hand, sat inconspicuously in the chair on the other side of the common room, making sure that the Marauders couldn't see her spying on them.

The four of them worked on their schoolwork in comfortable silence, once in a while asking Remus for the answer, while Remus tried to explain the answer as best he could without giving it away.

Little by little as the other people in the common room filed away to go to bed, it became just Lily and the Marauders left in the room.

Thinking the four of them were alone in the room, Remus looked up at his best mates from his seat on the floor, "You know Lily asked about my bruises today," he said casually.

All at once, three heads shot up and stared at Remus in shock, while Lily waited with bated breath to hear what they were going to say next.

"Lily?" James said quickly, "Lily Evans?"

"Yes, Prongs," Remus said sarcastically, "I believe that's the only Lily that goes to this school."

"What did you tell her?" Peter asked.

"Stairs," Remus answered.

"Really, Snouty?" Sirius whined, "That was the most uncreative one! You are so bad at lying. I told you to use the one about you falling off a hippogriff!"

"Oh and she was going to believe that one?" Remus argued back. "And don't call me Snouty, it sounds stupid."

"And who decided on Padfoot? You chose my most unattractive feature!" Sirius shot back.

"And what exactly would be your most attractive feature, mutt?" Remus teased.

"Guys," James interjected seriously. "What did Lily say after you said you fell down the stairs?"

"She doesn't know and I don't think she'll ever find out." Remus shrugged. "I just wanted to let you know in case she acts weird around you."

"Weird how? Why us?" Sirius asked.

"She thinks…" Remus breathily chuckled and shook his head. "It's nothing."

"What?" James asked jokingly. "She thinks we pushed you down the stairs?"

At Remus's silence, James looked at him incredulously and repeated, "She thinks _we_ pushed you down the stairs?"

"Merlin, Prongs, and why do you still like her?" Sirius muttered. Lily resisted rolling her eyes. It's not like she asked James to like her and obsess over her.

James let out a huff and ignored Sirius. "What did you tell her, Remus?"

"Nothing. I just told her it wasn't you and then I kinda stormed off."

"What if she finds out?" Peter asked nervously.

"She won't, Wormtail," Remus assured him.

"You know, I don't really like my nickname either," Peter commented.

"Well, it's the only part of you we see so far, so it's not like we have anything else to go off. You could be anything." Sirius shrugged. "A possum. A mouse. A monkey. A—"

"Alright, alright." Peter rolled his eyes. "I get it. I'm not doing this as well as you guys are."

 _Doing what?_ Lily wondered to herself. What were the Marauders doing with animals?

Remus was quick to comfort Peter while James looked too caught up in his own thoughts to notice. "It's not that, Peter. You're making great progress and I'm thankful for all the work you've done. Sirius and James were named after the first parts that formed too, so you're all in the same boat. Sirius formed his padded foot first and James got his antlers. Right, Sirius?" Remus looked at him with raised eyebrows.

Sirius sighed and agreed. "Yeah, Wormsy, you're doing fine. Plus, we're all here to help you get all the way through your transformation. It's not like we have it completely figured out either."

Lily wondered what they meant by transformation… into an animal… then it suddenly hit Lily. They learned about Animagi in their first year after witnessing the Head of Gryffindor House, Professor McGonagall, transform into a tabby cat.

The Marauders were practicing becoming Animagi and by the sounds of it, they were getting pretty close to becoming fully fledged. As wild as that sounded, Lily had to wonder why they were doing it in the first place. Were they that bored with school?

"Does she really think I could do that?" James said quietly, not paying attention to the other conversation being had.

"James, stop obsessing. It's just Lily Evans. She'll believe whatever she believes to get through the day," Sirius snarked. "It's how she convinces herself that Snivellus is a good guy and not all Slytherins are bad and—"

"Not _all_ Slytherins are bad," Remus interjected.

Sirius scoffed, "As soon as the Sorting Hat touches their head, they're basically doomed to be evil."

"Like I was?" Remus said softly.

Sirius looked at Remus in shock. "No way, Remus! I didn't mean it like that. You're different."

"Exactly," Remus said. "Which is why we shouldn't characterize everyone based on something the Sorting Hat said. Something they pretty much had no choice over."

"Fine." Sirius threw his arms up in defeat. "But I still think most of them are evil douchebags."

"No argument here," Remus agreed.

"Speaking of your 'furry little problem', when's the next round coming?" James asked.

Remus looked down, "24 days."

"24 days," James pondered thoughtfully. "That should give us enough time to perfect our transformation, at least me and Sirius, and we could join you next time!"

"No!" Remus exclaimed immediately. "It's too dangerous right now. You should practice some more, I don't want you guys getting hurt for me!"

"Snouty," Sirius said, "This is why the three of us decided to be Animagi in the first place. To help you. So let us help you."

"Not if it means you getting hurt," Remus insisted, "And don't call me Snouty."

James intervened before they argued more, "We'll see as the time gets closer and then we'll decide if we're prepared or not. Sound good?"

Remus and Sirius both looked at each other and nodded.

"Alright, good," James said, "Now let's go to bed and tomorrow we can start practicing some more."

"Wait!" Sirius exclaimed, "We should get Remus a new nickname so he can stop bitching about his current one."

"I don't bitch, you're the dog here!" Remus shot back.

"Okay," James interrupted, "So the three of us are named after our first transformation. Me as a deer. Sirius as a dog. Peter as a… whatever. Remus, what's the first part of you that changes?"

"The moon?" Remus joked.

"Oo, I like that," Sirius said.

"How about Moony then?" James suggested.

Remus thought about it for a second. "It does have a nice ring to it. I like it."

"Then it's settled," James proudly stated, "Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs: the four Marauders."

As the newly named group headed upstairs for bed, Lily could feel her heart pounding in her throat as she took in the entire conversation she witnessed.

Not believing it to be true, Lily jumped up from her seat as soon as she knew they were in bed and ran out of the common room to the library.

_24 days. 24 days. 24 days. The moon changes him. The bruises. The scars. It was all a pattern._

_Furry. Little. Problem._

As soon as Lily reached the library she went straight the books on Astronomy.

_24 days. 24 days. 24 days._

When was the next full moon? Lily searched.

_It was all a pattern._

And there it was. In written text, her answer was there. 24 days: the next full moon.

_Furry. Little. Problem._

Lily couldn't believe what she was seeing, but there it was in front of her own two eyes. Horror would be the first adjective to describe how Lily felt.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

 _But he was so nice_ , Lily thought to herself. Werewolves had a reputation. Evil and bloodthirsty creatures. Animalistic and cruel. Beasts.

Then Lily shook her head, _Remus still is the same person before and after I found out his secret._

Putting the Astronomy book away, Lily turned to the Magical Creatures section of the library and found a book on Werewolves. The book described them as horrible monsters. Every full moon, the person had to go through a terrible transformation that regressed the person mentally into a vicious animal while physically taking a toll on their body as well.

Lily teared up as she imagined Remus, a boy her same age, breaking bones every month and struggling within himself for power and sanity.

This was not Remus's fault. He did not choose to get bit. And while Lily didn't particularly like the Marauders, she would never ever wish this upon them. Or even any of the Slytherins that bullied her. Nobody deserved to live like this.

Lily put her hand on her forehead in realization that she accused James and Sirius of causing that pain to Remus. She felt so embarrassed for jumping to conclusions like that and completely understood why Remus was so angry with her. Hell, Lily would have been angry too.

 _But why the Animagi?_ Lily wondered to herself. _Why would James, Sirius, and Peter struggle to become something that even grown wizards and witches struggled to achieve?_

The answer came from the book that explained how innately animalistic a werewolf was. Humans would not dare to be five feet from a werewolf, but other animals on the other hand had a better chance of being safe around it… _him_.

Sitting all alone in the dark library, late into the night, Lily had to sort through her thoughts, so she turned to the best thing she had to figure out her emotions.

* * *

_Dear Journal,_

_Yes, I realize it's been a while, but nothing exciting has been going on for a while and you're probably tired of me complaining about Potter this and Potter that and how I feel lonely and abandoned by Severus._

_So I have something else to talk about._

_Remus Lupin is a werewolf. And I need to figure out how I feel about it. I can't talk to anyone yet because I don't know who to trust, so I guess I'll just talk to you._

_Is he a danger to the school? Should I tell someone?_

_Okay, but if he goes to Madam Pomfrey every month, then she definitely knows. And if she knows, Dumbledore knows. And probably McGonagall._

_And if all those people are letting Remus stay, then he's probably not a danger to the school._

_Now that I have that part covered. I want to actually talk about Remus. I had no idea what kind of pain he's suffered or even what age he got bit. Was this recent? Was he a baby? Either way, it must have been horrible. I can't even imagine._

_I am quick to judging people, I can admit that. But I also know that people aren't what they seem, so I think I am slow to trusting people as well. But Remus trusts the Marauders with his deepest, darkest secret. That must mean something, right?_

_Do you think he told them or they just found out? I mean, they aren't as dumb as they look and he is their roommate. But even after they found out…they didn't push him away. They are trying to help him. Becoming Animagi is no easy feat. It takes hard work, focus, and dedication. Something I did not think the Marauders were capable of, but turns out they would do anything to help a friend._

_It must be nice to be surrounded by that kind of loyalty. I used to think I had that with Severus, but lately it feels like everything is changing between the two of us. Now, I feel like an afterthought in his life. While the Marauders friendship grows stronger, my friendship falls apart. I guess that's what I get for accusing Potter and Black of beating Remus up for fun. I don't even know why I said that. Maybe I just wanted to believe that if my relationships were a mess, so were theirs. Which doesn't even make sense. Why do I have to compare myself to them? It's not like they're the gold standard for friendships. Well, after hearing what they've done for one of their own, maybe they are._

_Sirius Black is probably a dog. Remus called him a mutt and his nickname is "Padfoot" probably for the pads of his dog feet._

_Peter Pettigrew might be a mouse or a rat or something with a "Wormtail."_

_James Potter. James Potter is a deer. Or a stag, which is the male version. He has antlers. They called him "Prongs."_

_Antlers! How crazy is that? Now I really want to see Potter with antlers._

_A stag…wow…_

_Deer are such magnificent creatures. They say that the animal an Animagi becomes takes after the person's own personality._

_A stag is the protector of the forest. They are fierce and wild. But they are also gentle. And soft. And kind._

_And they also happen to be my favorite animal._

_It's probably just a coincidence though._

_Anyhoo, I think I got all my thoughts figured out. But I should make a list just to be sure. You know how I love my lists._

_Reasons Why I Should Trust the Marauders_

_Remus is probably the most likeable out of the four so he can't be that bad_

_The professors seem to be okay with everything_

_Remus was an innocent person who has to endure so much pain and it's not his fault_

_It's a pretty amazing feat the Marauders are doing…_

… _For a friend_

_Maybe they're not so bad after all_

_He's a stag._

_Thanks for listening to me_ ~~_—_ _D-i-a-r-y_ ~~_~~—~~ Journal. I'll see you soon._

* * *

Yawning, Lily closed her book of thoughts and made her way back to her sleeping quarters, now peaceful after she came to a conclusion on her next course of action.

She was going to protect the Marauders' secret because it was the right thing to do. She might think they're annoying, but if they would do what they did for a friend, they had to be good people at heart. Lily could respect that and she could respect their wishes to protect their friend.

A couple of weeks passed from the day Lily discovered the boys' secrets and the next full moon was rapidly approaching. Every day leading up to it, Lily kept a close eye on the boys. She needed to know if they were ready. If it was going to be safe. While she figured the professors and headmaster knew about Remus's condition, she knew with absolute certainty that they had no clue about what the other three were up to. It would have been deemed too dangerous and McGonagall would have never let them. At that moment, it was only Lily who knew their secret and she wasn't going to tell anybody.

There was a nervous air about the four of them as the day before the full moon approached. That was how Lily knew that they were going to try to join Remus in the forest. Even Lily felt anxious for them. She couldn't keep her eyes of them, watching them from her desk, from behind a book, from across the table.

Normally, that would have caught James's attention, but his nerves were getting the best of him and he could not focus on Lily. The always calm and confident Sirius was also worried. Peter, the normally jumpy one, was even more so as the big day approached. But the three of them would never let Remus know about their concerns. They wanted to be brave for their friend. Whenever Remus turned to them to ask them if they were sure they wanted to do it, they would energetically nod their heads and crack jokes to help the scarred boy forget, even for a moment, of the coming day.

The day of the full moon was here and the tone of the castle was somber. At least to Lily and the Marauders. To everyone else it was a normal day, but they knew different. Lily wanted to be there for the Marauders. To tell them everything was going to be alright. But she knew if she told them she knew now, it would only distract them and worry them more. She figured she would tell them when the time was right.

It occurred to Lily that they were putting themselves in danger by joining Remus in the moonlight, but she trusted James to protect Sirius and Peter and she knew Sirius would do anything to protect James.

The time finally came and Remus was ready to file out of the common room to go join Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey to prepare for the night. James, Sirius, and Peter watched him leave with the promise that they'll join him soon. Lily watched as Remus gave them a weary smile and walked out.

As soon as Remus left, the remaining three Marauders looked at each other and gave a determined nod. This was it. The moment of truth when they would find out if all their hard work had paid off. If they would really be able to help Remus get through the night.

Lily was not completely sure of their plan. She had heard little pieces of the plan here and there, like the words "willow" and "stick", but she did not know the full course of action.

Knowing it was not safe for her out there, Lily could do nothing but wait out the night for them to return home safe.

After a while, the three Marauders left the room as well to meet their friend in need. Lily sat on the couch and closed her eyes imagining what was happening. But that was not enough, Lily had to know if they were okay.

A feeling of dread filled Lily as she ran out of the Gryffindor common room into the hall. How could she let them do that? It was a dangerous situation and they were only thirteen year olds! She had to tell someone! Anyone! What if Remus accidentally hurt them?

Then Lily ran past the stairs to Astronomy tower and figured why not give it a shot and see if she could find them in the dark forest.

As she climbed up the stairs, her heart beating faster and faster, Lily knew if something happened to any of the four, she would blame herself. She found a telescope and peered into it.

The moon looked beautiful: perfectly round and glowing bright. But underneath it hid all the darkness.

She pulled the telescope down towards the Forbidden Forest and searched the various sections of the greenery. Not seeing much, Lily cast a spell on the telescope that allowed one to look through the vegetation and search for people. Finally, she was able to detect three bodies with the spell, but no actual people. Until, there was a shimmer and three people appeared out of nowhere, almost as if they were invisible. Zooming in, Lily took in the figures of James, Sirius, and Peter standing as close as they could to the Whomping Willow, a young tree that was planted the same year she arrived at Hogwarts. James was holding a large piece of fabric that was what had hidden them. A cloak of invisibility. _So that's how they snuck around the castle so well_ , Lily concluded. But right now, Lily had bigger things to worry about.

Sirius was the first person she saw transform. It was amazing to see Sirius, a handsome, shaggy haired boy go from standing on two feet to standing on four. She watched as limbs and body transformed into an adorable, shaggy haired black dog.

Lily grinned as she watched him chase his own tail. Even in a moment like this, Lily knew it would be impossible for Sirius to be serious.

Next up was Peter. Lily watched as James encouraged Peter to transform, but the boy shook his head in worry. James was patient, however, and slowly but surely Peter began to shrink smaller and smaller in size. He grew whiskers and a long tail and became a measly rat.

Finally, it was James's turn, and the person Lily was looking forward to seeing the most…because deer were her favorite animal, of course. No other reason.

In Lily's eyes, James's transformation felt different from the other two. His transformation was beautiful. She watched as James grew antlers and his body elongated and grew in size. He had golden and soft fur, which Lily couldn't help but compare to the boy's natural jet black hair. He was tall and majestic and Lily felt her heart skip a beat when she saw him.

_Wow._

Even as a stag, it still looked like James. The deer had his hazel brown eyes and Lily could see every facial expression in his stag form as she would in his human form. Maybe she knew him better than she thought.

But the moment passed quickly as she watched Peter, still in his rat form, scamper towards the Whomping Willow and into the base. Suddenly, the whole tree stood still and Lily was in shock as she watched an entrance emerge from the tree.

 _That was why the Whomping Willow was planted_ , Lily discovered. _It was for Remus._

Lily had wondered where they usually kept him on nights like these, but today she had her answer. But now, they were going to set Remus free. She kept her watchful gaze on them as the three of them peered cautiously into the opening of the tree until all at once the three of them jumped back in shock. Lily was much too far away to hear any noise, but she saw Remus walk out of the tree and she saw him for the first time as a werewolf.

Lily saw the scars on his back and his drooling, snarling mouth. His vicious teeth and clawed fingers. His own bite marks on his body and his yellow eyes. This was not the Remus she knew.

Fear gripped her heart once more as the three Animagi surrounded the lone wolf.

The werewolf studied the three of them closely, not recognizing the three new animals. Snarling and growling, the werewolf jumped forward to try and break free. The rat ran away as quickly as possible, but the stag and the dog stood their ground, facing the wolf head on.

The stag slowly moved towards the wolf and allowed him to smell him.

 _It's me, James_ , the stag tried to say.

The wolf smelled the friendly stag for a moment, but then retreated, his back against the willow tree.

This time, the dog came forward and wagged his tail.

Now the wolf was angry at these intruders. With a new sense of confidence, the emaciated werewolf pounced forward and clawed at the stag drawing blood from the giant ungulate.

Lily clasped her hand to her mouth in shock and worry as she saw James cry out in pain. Werewolves hurt humans. Werewolves weren't supposed to hurt other animals.

But this werewolf had been hurting for a while, all alone in the tunnel, and he was not used to interactions with anyone or anything.

The stag moved weakly, trying to steady itself. While werewolf scratches and bites meant that the receiver would become a werewolf themselves, Lily did her research and knew that if an Animagus was bit in their animal form, they wouldn't become a werewolf. It would still hurt as hell, but that would be the extent of the scratch.

The dog head-butted the wolf and ran away. The wolf looked at the dog in confusion and chased after him, wondering what he was up to. The dog ran in zigzags through the forest until even Lily lost track of where he went. When Lily finally caught up to the two of them, they were having a stare down. That is, until the dog tilted his head to the side and stuck his tongue out, panting wildly. The werewolf repeated the action, tilting his head to the side and sticking his tongue out.

Accepting the offer of friendship at last, the werewolf ran towards the dog and head-butted him once more in a friendly way. However, the push had more strength than both animals had anticipated and the dog fell into the nearest tree with a resounding crash. Whimpering, the dog tried to lift his head up, but fell limp against the broken pieces of the tree.

That was when the stag decided to rejoin the situation and tried to distract the werewolf. The red scar on the stag looked deep, but it did not seem to bother him much. He had bigger things to worry about. While the dog worked up the strength to get up, the stag continued the game of chase with the werewolf.

Not really understanding the power the wolf had, the werewolf's rough play left the dog and stag battered and bruised as they each took turns entertaining the creature.

Lily spent the whole night watching the three of them play with each other. Some moments she smiled in pride, other moments she clutched the telescope tight with worry something was going to go wrong and that the werewolf would hurt them beyond repair.

As the sunrise began to barely show its face, it was time for Remus to begin his transformation back. The transformation back to a human was as painful as it was to become a werewolf, but even more so as the bones cracked into place and one could hear the very human cries of someone being put back together. Worn out and damaged themselves, the dog and the stag waited for the rat to press the button for the Whomping Willow to stop, and still in animal form, James and Sirius slowly and cautiously guided a pained and transforming Remus back into the tunnel for Madam Pomfrey to find and take care of.

Lily released a breath of relief she hadn't realized she was holding in as soon as Remus was safe inside. Their first time out went better than expected and Lily was there to witness it all. And she was damn proud of her boys.

The stag, dog, and rat looked at each other and nodded in confirmation. With great strength, the three closed their eyes and transformed back into their human selves until it was James, Sirius, and Peter in their place.

All of them, especially Sirius and James, looked worse for wear. But they smiled through bruised bones and bloody shirts. If Lily was closer, she would have noticed they were tearing up in happiness. They had succeeded. Everything was going to be okay.

In that moment of absolute euphoria, the three grew closer and embraced each other. Gripping each other tightly, not saying a word. They stayed like that, heads bent into each other's' shoulders. Safe and secure.

Lily stopped looking through the telescope and ducked her head, not wanting to intrude on such an intimate moment between brothers.

She walked down the stairs of the Astronomy Tower and back to her dormitory to wait for the Marauders to return. She wanted to make sure they got to their beds safely and didn't get into any trouble from the forest to the common room. She did not understand why she felt so overprotective over them, but she didn't want to overthink it.

After a couple of minutes, Lily heard some shuffling outside the door and saw the three worn out boys enter through the entrance.

"Evans," James said in surprise as he looked at her, "What are you doing still up?"

She stood up from her seat and got a close-up look at their damaged bodies which looked so much worse up close.

Especially James, who had endured the brunt of the damage being the largest Animagus. He had a black eye and a limp. But the worst part was the three red lines that stained through his shirt. Three…claw marks that James had to bear on his skin forever.

Lily must have been staring for a while without answering his question because James tried to explain his injuries, "So, these," he gestured to his body, "are…uh, from Quidditch. I…uh, fell off my broom. And so did… so did Sirius and Peter."

It was at that moment that Sirius closed his eyes in disappointment at James's lying abilities, "Yeah, that…that was totally what happened," he reluctantly agreed.

Lily nodded in agreement with their lie, "Okay."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "You believe that?"

She swallowed nervously, "Quidditch is a dangerous sport. You would have to be very brave to do it. I…I'm just glad you're okay and you're safe."

Without thinking, finally reassured that James was okay, Lily walked forward and gently wrapped her arms around the boy and hugged him close. She could feel his heart racing in his chest, but Lily figured that was a post-adrenaline rush from the night. James didn't move a single bit at the beginning, staying still as a statue, as if he moving even a smidge would make the hug not real anymore, but as relief of being alive filled him, his joints worked in sync and he wrapped his arms around her as well and held her close.

"What, so Prongsy gets a hug and we don't?" Sirius teased.

Lily backed up from the hug quickly and collected her senses, "Oh… um, sure."

She awkwardly embraced Sirius and Peter one by one and gave them a quick squeeze. Sirius patted her back and tried to maintain distance from her in the hug as if to not anger James, who was still in too much shock from the hug to notice anything. Peter stood still, his arms at his side and his eyes wide open in shock of being touched by a girl.

"You know," Sirius said with raised eyebrows, "I was joking, but thanks, I guess." He looked around awkwardly. "We should probably head to bed now. James?"

James still stood there in shock with Lily looking at him in worry.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Let's go, Peter."

The two of them walked to their rooms leaving James and Lily alone in the common room.

James said his first words after the hug, "I… I got blood on you."

Lily looked down at her t-shirt and sure enough there were streaks of blood splotching the fabric.

"Don't worry about it," she assured him. "It'll wash out. You are the one I should be worried about. You look worse than Peter and Sirius combined."

"Yeah, when I fell off my broom... I landed on some... Quidditch... poles. They were very pointy."

Lily pursed her lips. _This boy really needed to work on his lying abilities._ _What kind of poles left three deep raggedy wounds on someone's chest? Maybe poles that were claws and transformed every full moon._

"You can't just brush this off," Lily chastised the boy, "You need to see Madam Pomfrey."

"No!" James exclaimed.

Lily looked at him in surprise at his sudden outburst so James tried to come up with an excuse, "It's just that… we weren't supposed to be out this late playing…Quidditch so I don't want Pomfrey to get suspicious of me being injured on the same day as… um, nothing."

"Oh, right." Lily said. She realized that if Madam Pomfrey saw James as injured as he was on Remus's full moon, she would know something was up and tell Dumbledore about it. "Well, you still need to take care of your injuries. It could get infected and become much worse and then you would either have to visit Madam Pomfrey or die."

"Can I just die?" James muttered.

"You're still bleeding through your shirt," Lily noticed, "Let me just go to Pomfrey and get some bandages and then we can deal with your scratches."

James looked at her wearily, "I might have a better idea. Follow me."

"Wait," she said as she ran, two steps at a time, up the stairs to her room. Making sure not to wake her roommates, Lily grabbed her most worn out and ratty t-shirt and went back downstairs to meet James who had not moved an inch.

Rolling up the fabric, she pressed it firmly against James's stomach to stanch the bleeding, "Hold it there. Now let's go."

As he led her out of the common room, he kept glancing back at her to make sure she wouldn't disappear.

When they reached the stairs, James was fine for the first couple of flights, but after that, he began to breathe heavily, leaning against the handrail, his face looking paler and paler by the second.

Lily took one of his arms and hung it on her shoulder, "Let me help you."

And together, they both walked up the last flight and onto a new floor.

"We made it," Lily said as she looked at James and smiled.

James looked star-struck that Lily was being so nice to him, "I must look like shit," he said as he walked in a straight line with Lily still holding onto him.

Lily was confused, "Why do you say that?"

"You haven't yelled at me once," he chuckled softly as he turned and walked back on the same line.

"You always look like shit. I'm just saving the yelling until you're at your fullest shit potential."

"Ah, makes sense." Again, James turned and walked in a line.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked as she and James kept walking in the same spot.

"Just walk with me one more time." James urged.

"Fine."

After the third time they walked in the same spot, a door opened. Lily looked at it in complete astonishment.

"What the _—_ "

"Welcome to the Room of Requirement," James said proudly.

"The Room of Requirement?" she asked.

"Go inside," James encouraged.

Lily was even more taken aback as she walked in the room and was welcomed by an exact replica of the infirmary at Hogwarts. But this one was completely empty.

The room had all the medicine and the equipment, but no people.

"Where are we? What is this?"

"Wherever we want to be," James explained, "We just have to walk past this place three times and wish for something and it just happens. It's been very useful for our pranks."

Lily spun around as she took in the room little by little, "Wow."

"I know," he said as he gingerly took a seat on one of the chairs, "It's pretty amazing and we just happened upon it by accident, crazy as that sounds."

"So I could make this room into anything I wanted? I could make it into an amusement park?"

"I guess. Anything except food. Trust me, we've tried that."

"Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration," she mumbled to herself.

James grunted in agreement, which then turned into a grunt of pain.

"Merlin! I am so sorry I forgot about that!" Lily chastised herself as she rushed to look over James's injuries.

She delicately leaned over and touched one of the three bloody lines that marred James's chest, "I don't think you need stitches. Right?"

James hissed and flinched away from her touch, "How am I supposed to know?"

"Get on the bed," Lily commanded as she pointed to one of the infirmary cots.

James begrudgingly rose from his seat and climbed up on the nearest bed, "You know, I always imagined you saying that to me. Just in a different context."

"I never imagined I would ever have to say that to you. In any context," Lily shot back as she rummaged through the drawers to find something that would help clean and take care of James's wound.

Finding what she needed, she grabbed it, turned around and said to James, "Take off your shirt and if you make another joke those scratches you got from 'falling off a broom and landing on poles' are gonna be the least of your worries."

"Yes, ma'am," James agreed, as he cautiously pulled off his blood and sweat drenched shirt.

Lily threw a quick glance down at his body and unconsciously bit her lower lips.

"Are you checking me out, Evans," James teased, but with less energy than usual as he lay his head down on the elevated cot.

Lily blushed and shook her head, "Checking out your injuries, if that's what you mean."

As she approached closer, James held out his hand to stop her from performing any operations and lifted his head up to look at her, "Do you know what you're doing? Two seconds ago you asked me if you thought I needed stitches."

"I'm sorry," Lily put her hands on her hips and stared James down, "Do you want me to go get Madam Pomfrey?"

James put his head back down and stared at the ceiling, "Carry on."

"That's what I thought," Lily harrumphed, "And if you must know. My mom is a nurse, so she made sure I knew how to take care of basic injuries and medical situations, so I think I can properly disinfect and dress a wound. Sound good?"

"Sounds splendid," James replied, still staring up at the ceiling.

"How much does it hurt right now?" Lily asked.

"It doesn't feel great, I can tell you that," James sassed.

"James," Lily said sincerely.

He sighed, "It hurts a lot."

"You don't have to hide your pain around me, James."

When she said that, James let his façade fall and it was like he became a totally different person.

He closed his eyes and his breath hitched in his throat, "It feels like it's slowly burning me up from the inside."

Lily looked at him in concern and wondered if maybe that was because it was from a werewolf. It shouldn't have affected him so much since he was a stag when it happened and the wound on the stag did not seem so deep because he jumped out of the way quickly before the claws could go deeper. The pain was most likely because it was from a werewolf and werewolf scratches tended to be more agonizing than a normal injury.

"Let's just start with a disinfectant, alright?"

James swallowed roughly and nodded, his eyes still squeezed shut. Lily noticed the shirt she had given him to stem the bleeding was still clutched tightly in his hands. His fingers curled around the soft, blood drenched fibers of the shirt, gripping them like a life-line until his whole hand was pale white. His normally fluffy black hair stuck to his face from the sweat and his glasses leaned haphazardly on his face.

Lily took the glasses off and put them on the drawer next to him and without even thinking about it, she brushed some of the hair that was covering his eyes, back from his face.

James was in so much pain, he didn't seem to notice.

"I don't really know how magical medicine works, so I'm just gonna do it the muggle way, okay?"

When James didn't answer, she continued, "James, I need you to sit up for me, please."

With great patience, she helped guide James up to a sitting position on the bed. She gripped his shoulder with one hand and put a towel of water against his chest to clean the dirt and blood off. James's skin felt dangerously warm against her fingertips, but Lily figured if she could get the wound cleaned and bandaged, she could give him some medicine to sleep off the pain and he would be good as new the next day, albeit a little sore.

Soon, James's chest was as clean as it could get, save for the three long marks from Remus's scratch.

"This part is going to hurt a little, okay James? It's gonna be a tiny sting."

Without waiting for his response, Lily placed the cloth with the healing medicine at the top of his chest and dabbed it gently. James let out a loud yell and fell back against the bed, gritting his teeth.

"You said it was going to be a tiny sting," he said, his eyes squeezed shut and hands clutching the bedsheets. "This. Is. Not. A Tiny. Fucking. Sting."

"I know, I know James," Lily tried to comfort, "That was the first scratch. It's over now. Only two more to go."

"No, no, no." James shook his head, "I can't. I can't do this anymore. I'm done. I'm okay. I don't need this. I'm fine."

"James," Lily said, softly but firmly, "If we went to Madam Pomfrey, she would have put together some potion that you could have drank and you would have been fine and it would have been painless. But you decided to let me do this. So let me do this. Because if you don't and then I turn around and a day later you die, that's on me and no offense, I don't want to be responsible for your dumbass death. Got it?"

"Got it," James breathily replied.

Lily then brushed the damp hair out of James's eyes once more and set to work on the second scratch. James's yell seemed louder before and it sounded more like sobbing. Lily couldn't bear hearing him in that much pain and she resisted crying, herself, at the sound. Lily looked down at James and noticed a few tears had already escaped James's eyes and using her free hand, she brushed them away.

"We're almost done, James. I promise."

James simply whimpered in response.

When Lily began on the third one, there was a renewal of groans as James felt the new sting of the medicine against his torso.

Not able to handle him in pain and not wanting to hear the sounds of his wailing, Lily did something she never in a million years thought she would ever do.

Without thinking about it twice, Lily leaned in and captured James's mouth with her own.

Lily kissed James.

It was a brief kiss, but in that moment, it felt like lightning in a bottle finally being released. It was like electricity.

And it definitely shut James up.

She released James from her grip and took the cloth of his chest. Heart racing in her chest and butterflies soaring in her stomach, Lily let her gaze drop to the floor, embarrassed by James's star-struck gaze that would not leave her face.

"You're all cleaned up now," she said as a matter-of-factly. "I'm just gonna wrap this bandage around you and you're good to go."

James simply did not stop staring at her with great shock, his mouth hanging open the whole time Lily wrapped a soft cloth around his chest and fastened the end.

When she was finally done, Lily looked around the room until she found a closet of shirts. Exactly what she was looking for.

Pulling out a red shirt that fit James's size, she tossed it to the boy, "You can put a shirt on now. We're done."

But James still didn't move, clutching onto the shirt Lily had just given him.

Lily sighed as she sat at the edge of his bed, "Do you want to talk about the kiss?"

James sat straight up, "Yes please."

"Okay, what about it?"

"Why?" James asked.

"I wanted you to shut up. Your screams of pain were making my ears bleed."

"Was that your first kiss?" James asked softly.

Lily bit her lower lip as she studied the floor pattern.

"Yes," she answered, her gaze lifting up to meet his doe-eyed look.

"Oh," was his only response.

"Was…was that your first kiss?" Lily asked nervously.

"Yes," he replied.

"Oh."

"Did you—" James said at the same time Lily came with a, "So, I—"

"You go first," they both said at the same time, and then they both laughed as they grew past the awkward moments. They were both on the same boat, sharing their first kiss together.

"I didn't meant to kiss you and I'm sorry if I surprised you. I just wanted to take your mind off the, you know," she gestured to his upper body which he still had not covered with the red shirt.

"Mission accomplished. I haven't thought about it once after that," James commented, "You don't have to apologize."

"No," Lily shook her head, "I don't want you to get the wrong idea or anything. I just…I don't want to…I don't want anyone to—"

"You don't want me to tell anyone about this. You don't want us to be together in public. You want this to have never happened." James concluded dejectedly.

"No! I…uh, yes," Lily settled, "It's not that it was a bad kiss or anything or that I'm embarrassed or—"

"But you are, aren't you?" James asked.

"I just don't want to deal with boyfriends or drama or anything."

"Why would there be drama if we went out?"

"Some of my friends don't really like you and—"

"You mean Snivellus?" James said with great disdain.

"I mean _Severus_ and that is exactly what I'm talking about!"

"What? You can't possibly be telling me that if Snape liked me you would date me in a heartbeat!"

"Maybe I would!" Lily shot back, surprised by her own words as soon as they left her mouth, "I just mean… you're a great guy. You're athletic, you're funny, you— oh, stop looking at me like that— All I'm saying is that, any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you, but I'm just not the girl for you."

"Why not?"

"We just had this discussion!"

"But you just said I was the best kiss of your life! That I was a phenomenal kisser! That I just blew your whole world!"

"I said no such thing, James Potter!" Lily laughed, "You are my only kiss!"

"So I guess that does make me the best kiss of your life, doesn't it?" James smirked.

"It also makes you the worst kiss of my life," Lily teased back.

"Touché, Evans. Touché."

"Although," Lily pursed her lips, "I suppose…as first kisses go, it wasn't that bad. I mean, it could have been much worse."

"Very true," James agreed, "And I have heard that second kisses tend to be much better than the first. Shall we give that a go?"

"I think that might be best. Just to test what people have said, of course," Lily replied.

"Of course," James nodded, "So should I…"

He leaned forward to meet Lily's and Lily also leaned forward the same way until they bumped noses instead of lips.

They both chuckled at the mishap and tried to collect their bearings, whilst their faces shone a bright red hue.

They tried again and once again they both leaned in the same direction and bumped noses.

"Okay, you go left. _My left_ ," Lily instructed, "And I go right."

"Third time's a charm," James joked.

"Here's to hoping," Lily answered and they both leaned in.

Whoever said second time would be much better… was definitely right.

No longer in any pain or rush or panic, the two of them felt in tune with each other and free to deepen the kiss.

Lily leaned closer to James on the bed and James used one of his hands to timidly cup her face.

Lily pulled back once more, leaving James to the open air.

"After tonight," Lily said breathlessly, knowing her face must be looking as red as her hair, "This never happened."

"Whatever you want, Evans." James was equally as breathless.

"Now put your shirt on and let's go," Lily stood up to leave.

"Hold on a second. You said after tonight. Tonight's not over yet."

"It's past sunrise."

"And people are still sleeping," James reasoned, "Come on, Evans. It's just tonight. And today's the weekend, we can sleep in as long as we want."

"I'm not kissing you again," Lily stated.

"No kissing," James agreed, "unless you want to."

"I don't."

"Then no kissing." James nodded affirmatively.

"Fine." Lily sat back down. "But put your shirt on, it's getting weird."

"Can't handle all this manliness?"

"You mean your skinny arms and hairless chest? Oo, I just can't get enough."

James huffed as he tried to lift the shirt above his head.

"Need help, manly man?" Lily quipped.

"Maybe," James replied.

Together, the two of them managed to pull the shirt over his head without letting it touch his bandaged wounds.

Lily looked at his damaged, but healing, body and remembered the sacrifice and work he had put in to getting it. Into helping his friend.

"Are you going to do it again?" Lily asked him as the both comfortably settled down, James on the bed and Lily on a chair.

"Do what?"

"Play… Quidditch with your friends again. Get scratched up and beaten again."

Lily said that knowing damn well she wasn't really talking about Quidditch.

James thought about it deeply, "If playing… Quidditch was good for something or helped someone, especially someone I cared about, then I would do it again in a heartbeat. Without a doubt." Then he shook his head. "I'm sorry, that made no sense. I know Quidditch doesn't really help anyone—"

"No, I get it. Don't worry," Lily assured him. "I think that's very brave of you."

James threw her a shy smile. "Thanks, Evans."

"I'll see you at your next game, Potter."

"What about you?" James asked.

"What about me?"

"Is there anything you would be willing to get beat up and scarred for?"

"My parents probably. I don't know. Right now, I can't think of anyone off the top of my head I would sacrifice myself for. People are pretty shit."

James laughed quietly, "That was… honest."

"I'm serious! And I swear to Merlin if you make a Sirius joke I will end you. But, do you ever feel like everything is against you and you're all alone?" Lily asked and then shook her head. "Of course you wouldn't. You're James Potter with the three best friends in the world."

"I used to be friends with a lot of the Slytherins in this school," James said.

"What?"

"We were all friends once. Before coming to Hogwarts. Our parents all knew each other and we would always be stuck together and eventually we became friends."

"What happened?"

"Voldemort. Sorting hats. I don't know. I see them as my enemy now, but sometimes I just remember when we were nine years old and running around and playing with colored bubbles our parents used to blow for us to keep us entertained," James smiled bitterly, "As a first year, sometimes I did feel alone when I saw the Slytherins who I couldn't call friends anymore because I had already branded them as evil in my mind. All they cared about was blood status. If I just… and now, it's too late. Now some of them have graduated and already joined Voldemort's ranks and others are on the path to becoming so."

"Huh, maybe you do understand," Lily said.

"You're not alone, Evans. You don't have to be." James stared at her with a deep intensity. "If someone is dragging you down, you don't have to go down with him. You don't have to be with him."

They both knew who _him_ was.

"Severus is my friend and if he's going down a dark path, I can bring him out of it."

"You're a Muggle-born witch, Evans. You are everything the Death Eaters hate and if Sniv—Severus is even _thinking_ about siding with them, he's not your friend."

"Who are you to tell me who my friends are and aren't? You don't even know Severus's whole story! You can't judge him!"

"I can't judge him? I don't need to know his whole life story to know who he is and who he will become. He spent his whole childhood with you and now he's caught up with future Death Eaters practicing dark magic and—"

"He's what?" Lily asked in quiet shock.

"You don't know? Sirius saw them when he was trying to pull Regulus from their crowd," James looked expressionless as he continued on, "Apparently he's the best of them all at the spells. He's even made his own."

"But Sev wouldn't," Lily's mouth was agape, "He wouldn't. He promised me—"

"I'm sorry." And he truly did sound sorry for breaking Lily's heart into a thousand pieces.

"I just thought he was hanging around them. He said he would never do what they would do. Become what they are."

James was silent as he watched her try to rationalize and sort out her thoughts, "Sev," Lily thought out-loud, "Sev wouldn't do that to me. He promised. He did. You," she looked at James, "You're lying to me. You want me to hate Severus and you're saying this to make me hate him. Don't lie to me!" Lily yelled at him, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'm not lying, I solemnly swe—"

"Yes, you are! I don't believe you. Severus is not a Death Eater and he's never done dark magic. I'm leaving."

"Wait!" James said as he caught Lily's wrist in his hand before she could leave, "You don't have to believe me, but I don't want you to be mad at me. Can we just pretend like this conversation never happened?"

"This conversation never happened," Lily said stoically. "This kiss never happened. Tonight never happened."

With that, she was out the door, taking the night with her.

When she was finally alone in her bed, she realized how exhausted she was, but how jittery she felt all the same. She had to tell someone. But she had no one.

She didn't feel close with any of the girls in her year. Except maybe Marlene McKinnon who she had made small talk with once in a while.

She definitely couldn't tell Severus, who would probably yell at her for fornicating with the enemy and sever their dying friendship, dangling on the edge of ruin, more than it already was.

Knowing the only person, or thing, that she could confide in was hiding under her bed, Lily reached down and pulled out her diary, sorry, journal.

* * *

_Dear Journal,_

_As much as I don't want to admit the night happened, the night did happen._

_What night you might ask? The night I bloody kissed James effing Potter!_

_I kissed him._

_I. Kissed. Him._

_I did that! Who does that? I effing did that!_

_It was my first kiss, as you already know, and on all accounts, it was actually not that that bad. Still crazy cause it is James bloody Potter! But still…_

_I've heard many tales in my rumor mill of a dormitory of girls recounting their first kisses. How sloppy it had been…how awkward and strange…how uncomfortable._

_My kiss didn't really feel like that. In the beginning, I guess the two of us had to find our bearings and know which way our heads should turn, but once we got the hang of it, I felt like our mouths were meant to fit together, as weird as that sounds._

_But in the end, we argued (as usual) and we were stubborn (as usual) and he got on my last damn nerve (as damn usual) and I retaliated and…it all boiled down to Severus._

_Deep down, I know I should have at least listened to what James had to say about Severus practicing dark magic, but I just can't stop thinking about who the two of them are to me. Who they have always been and always will be._

_Severus is my best friend and we might be going through a rough patch right now, but I know we'll make it through. I can trust Severus._

_James on the other hand…not so much. James is a trickster. A prankster. A no good hooligan._

_James would do anything to get me to love him and go out with him. Even lie about Severus, who he already hated in the first place._

_So I believe I am justified in my stance against James. Even if he is a loyal friend who became an Animagi to help Remus. That doesn't mean he still isn't a trickster, prankster, no good hooligan._

_Okay, as I'm rereading what I've written, I've realized that I've been calling James, "James" a lot instead of "Potter", which is on me. My bad._

_I really need to get back into the swing of things and start despising him again._

_The kiss was an accident that I can never speak of again. A wonderful and surprisingly pleasant accident, but accident all the same._

_My lips are sealed and so are you… till the next little bit of drama in my life, of course._

_But until then, goodbye and good night!_

By the time Lily had finished writing, it was already nearing midday and Lily had not slept the entire night. So, as the exhaustion settled upon her like a ton of bricks, she shut her book, shut her eyes, and conked out for a good number of hours till late into the evening.

Damn James effing Potter and his phenomenal kissing skills for making her stay up all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the Marauders didn't become Animagi this early in their lives, but bear with me cause it works better in my fic. (Ugh, that would have been an amazing pun if one of the boys turned into a bear...)  
> Leave a comment and let me know what you think about this chapter!


	5. Year 3 Part II

_Reasons Why I Hate James Potter_

_1\. He always runs his fingers through his hair_

_2\. He is ugly inside and out_

_3\. He is mean to Severus_

_4\. He just likes annoying me and it's just a game to him_

_**5\. His friends are… the worst?** _

* * *

It took her a few days to get her sleep schedule back in order, but until then, Lily walked around like a zombie from class to class wondering how Remus managed to survive like this every month. Now, the Marauders had the same fate, but they seemed better adjusted than Lily who desperately needed her beauty sleep, but also wanted to pay attention in class. The Marauders just slept through class and their problems were solved.

She knew she couldn't tell the Marauders she knew their secret, but she also knew she wanted to help them as much as she could…and maybe have a little fun with it while she was at it.

Sirius had confronted her the day after their first full moon and Lily braced herself for the rude and annoying words that usually came out of his mouth. Surprisingly, they never came.

"I didn't realize how bad James's injuries were," he told her, getting straight to the point. "I think we were all so dead tired and I didn't check and that was my fault. So thank you for taking care of him. He was all bandaged up. I just gave him some healing potion and the rest of the scar healed itself up."

"Oh, sure, no problem," Lily replied, thinking the conversation was over, but Sirius pulled her back in.

"He did seem a bit bummed after he came back though. Any reason why?" he asked conversationally, but there was a threatening air behind it.

Lily didn't mind it because she knew that it came out of a place of love (for James, not her, obviously), so she decided to let it slide.

"I think you're _barking_ mad, Sirius," she teased. "Maybe you should just mind your own business."

Sirius's posture stiffened and his eyes turned cold. "Barking?"

"Yes, barking. It's a figure of speech. No need to _hound_ me about every little thing that goes wrong."

Sirius eyes her suspiciously but couldn't accuse her of anything without saying what it was he was accusing her off, so he gritted his teeth and walked away. "See you around, Evans," he grunted.

"Hey!" Lily called after him as he walked away. "Quit _mutt_ ering around me! I can't hear you!"

"Fuck off!" he shouted, his back still to her.

"Well I could hear that just fine," Lily scoffed.

Anytime Lily found herself around the Marauders, she tried to let her pun making skills shine through. It became the highlight of her day when she managed a pun that actually correlated with the boys' true Animagus form.

During lunch, when Peter would gossip and update the Marauders about the latest Hogwarts scandal, Lily would chime in and say, "Why are you _rat_ ting them out, Peter?"

Peter would blush and duck his head, remaining quiet through the rest of the meal.

During break, when a student announced there was a party in the Hufflepuff commons, the Marauders discussed prospective dates to the party. Sirius had his eye on the very vivacious Marlene McKinnon and Remus was considering asking out the beautiful Dorcas Meadowes.

When they asked James who he wanted to ask, he just shrugged his head and said he didn't really want to take anyone at the moment.

"Oh," Lily said from a spot nearby, "So you're going _stag_ then, I assume?"

Eyes widening at the four letter word, James stuttered, "What? Oh, yeah, to the party. Right. Yes."

Lily bit her lower lip to keep from smiling. "Sounds fun."

After the aforementioned party, Sirius stumbled through Gryffindor doors gleefully narrating the highlights of his make out session with Marlene.

"You absolute _dog_ , Sirius Black," Lily commented, eyes twinkling, "Sounds like you had a good time."

Sirius's expression turned sour and he walked away. "I'm going to bed."

James looked concerned and chased after him, wondering what was wrong with his best friend all of a sudden.

While Lily had her fun, she also tried to help Remus as much as she could.

"I can bring you my notes if you're not feeling well, Remus. I know that the guys' handwriting isn't the easiest to understand," she said as she approached him after they had left Potions class.

"Why?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"I'm sorry I accused your friends of beating you up. I want to make it up to you and you don't have to tell me what's wrong with you or even if anything's wrong with you. I just want to help on days that might not be as great as others. When you, ehm, fall down stairs and such."

Remus blinked a few times, standing still in the middle of the hall, trying to process Lily's words, "Well in that case, do you have Slughorn's notes from last week? Honest to Merlin, James can't write legibly for shit."

Lily grinned. "I've got it right here."

When Lily handed her notes to Remus and he left, she began putting the rest of her notes back into her bag, but didn't really get to finish when an arm wrapped around her wrist and stopped her moving. It wasn't a tight grip, but she couldn't move her arm.

She looked up and was met with the glowering face of Sirius Black.

Sirius pulled Lily aside roughly, bringing her into one of the cavities of the hallway. "I know you know."

"You know I know what?" Lily whipped her arm out of Sirius's clutch and punched him in the shoulder for treating her like that.

"You know." He tilted his stare and maintained eye contact.

Lily pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips, "No, I don't think I know what you think you know I know, you know?"

Sirius's grip on her tightened, "Stop joking around, I—"

"So you want me to be _Sirius_?"

Sirius glared at her. "James won't believe me; he thinks you're absolutely perfect and believes every damn word that comes out of your mouth, but I know you're taunting us. You're not as innocent as James seems to think you are."

She considered denying it and playing the innocent James believed she was, but Lily quickly realized her puns had gone too far, especially with Sirius. He was smarter than he looked.

She nodded resignedly. "I know."

Sirius pumped his fists, "I knew it!" but his expression turned fearful as his concerns were confirmed, "You can't tell—"

"I won't," Lily reassured him.

"You'll tell Snivellus."

"I won't tell _Severus_."

"How do I know you won't blab and get us all into trouble? You haven't really been affectionate towards the four of us and you are a goody two-shoes if I ever met one."

"I am not a goody two-shoes! I got a detention once."

"One detention… that was first year and I heard you bitched and moaned the whole time."

"Fine, let's make a deal. I won't tell anyone I know, if you won't tell the other Marauders I know."

"I don't keep secrets from them."

"Really, Black?"

"Fine, Evans. We are bonded by our secrets now and forever."

"I'm not joining your cult, Padfoot."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright, alright. We're not there yet."

"We're never going to get there."

"You just said we were bonded forever."

"That's not a good thing, Evans!" Sirius said with great exasperation.

"I was just joking."

"I don't joke around with people who hurt my friends and treat them like shit," Sirius scowled.

"You're talking about Potter?"

"James."

"Then what about Severus?" Lily asked, angered at the hypocrisy. "You treat him like shit and—"

"And what? You don't bitch and moan about that?"

"Stop saying I bitch and moan about everything!" Lily took a second to calm down. "Let's just agree to keep this a secret and never speak to each other again. Agreed?"

Lily held out her hand.

Sirius studied it for a moment before accepting. "Agreed."

They sealed the deal with a firm handshake.

* * *

Of course in a true Lily Evans fashion, nothing worked out as it should have.

The next full moon approached a month later and Sirius and Lily had managed to avoid each other as much as possible.

The night of Remus's transformation. Lily stayed up the whole night, just as she had last time, just to make sure everyone came back alive and intact.

Sitting on the couch of the common room and staring into the warm fireplace, Lily was just about to drift of when she heard the three thumping footsteps of the haggard Marauders.

Jumping out of her seat, wide awake once more, Lily quickly examined James (sorry, all three of the boys), to make sure he (they) was okay.

James was fine, a little bruised but nothing that wouldn't heal the next day. Sirius on the other hand had a giant lump on the side of his head that was red and growing. Lily could have sworn it was actually pulsing with its own heartbeat. James and Peter each had one arm of Sirius slung around their shoulders and it looked like they were dragging him forward, since Sirius didn't seem to want to use his feet.

"Holy shit," she said under her breath as she walked towards the boys and looked at the head injury.

"Lily," James said, his voice panicky, "Sirius. He's… he's—"

"I'm Sirius!" Sirius declared loudly and then proceeded to giggle. "Seriously."

"I think he has a concussion or lost some brain cells or—"

Lily was considering making a joke, but decided to save it when Sirius wasn't as at risk for permanent brain damage.

Lightly touching the red bump on his head, Lily looked at James. "Let's take him to the Room of Requirement."

Swallowing roughly, James nodded and with Lily taking the lead and James and Peter carrying the injured Sirius, the group made their way forward.

The whole way there, Sirius kept muttering nonsense words and giggling at his own language. The frown lines on James's face kept getting deeper and deeper as they trudged on.

Peter kept slipping under the weight of Sirius, so it was up to James to carry Sirius up the stairs. Luckily, the halls were empty and they got to the room without much struggle.

The Room of Requirement was designed the same way the last time Lily was there. When it was just her and James. When she kissed him.

"Sirius stop groping me," Peter squeaked as Sirius pawed at the short, mousy boy.

"Get him on the table." Lily instructed. She had done more reading up on anything that could go wrong during a full moon and she was more prepared than last time.

"Sirius, what I'm gonna do is put some ice on it and see if the swelling goes down, okay?"

"Okie dokie, artichokie." Sirius smiled widely, his eyes looking dazed.

Placing the ice pack on his head, Lily proceeded with her next text. "I'm holding out my hand, I need you to point to my index finger."

Sirius pointed to her pinky.

Lily pursed her lips. "I might need to give you a potion. Too much, you could get worse. Just enough, it'll knock you out for a few hours and you'll be good as new the next day."

"How much is too much? What do you mean by worse?" James interrogated Lily like an over-protective mother.

"Ehm, we calculate his weight and uh, other stuff and go from there, I think."

"Other _stuff_?" James practically screeched. His hands went straight to his hair and Lily worried he might pull it all out in his worry.

He may have cared deeply for Lily, but at that moment, the only person who mattered to him was Sirius and Lily completely understood.

"Yes," Lily said, softly but with reassurance. "It's a common potion that healers use when dealing with concussions. I'm sure Madame Pomfrey has given it to your Quidditch playing friends many times. The chance that the potion will have an adverse effect is slim to none."

"Please, Lily," James begged, "Please don't let anything happen to him."

"Yeah, Lily," Peter said with soft, watery eyes. If Peter had the courage to talk to her, Lily knew he was scared for his friend.

"I promise I won't let anything happen."

It was a risky promise to make and Lily knew that. There was a reason only Healers administered the potion because it was a dangerous one. Even a little bit over the dosage and Sirius could have permanent damage.

Taking the bottle of silvery white potion, Lily did the calculations and remembered everything she had read up on it from before. She tilted the bottle and measured the fluid out with exact precision.

"Drink this, Sirius," she helped tilt the boy's mouth and made sure he drank every drop as James and Peter stood to the side, nervously watching.

Nothing happened for a minute.

Sirius sat there in silence, his back straight up as he stared into void space.

James walked towards his best friend in three quick strides and waved his hand in front of his face. "Sirius!"

Lily pushed James away from her patient. "Let him be, James. Let the potion take its effect."

"What if you gave him too much? What if he doesn't get better?" James's voice strained and cracked under mounting pressure, "What if this—? What if I—"

Lily kept her hand against his chest to keep him from jostling the comatose boy. "Let him be."

James gazed at his friend and then turned and began to pace back and forth. Peter stood in one place and shook with anxiety, tapping his foot and biting his nails.

After five more minutes of waiting, Sirius's eyes started to droop and he fell back against the mattress of the hospital bed.

"Was that…" James stared at Sirius's still body. "Was that supposed to happen?"

At that moment, Sirius let out a loud and deafening snore.

Lily giggled and bit her lower lip. "We're in the clear. He's going to be okay."

"Thank Merlin," James put his hand on his forehead and released a shaky breath.

"Thank Lily, you mean," she corrected.

James wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "Thank Lily," he said, his words tickling her ear and making her feel things in the pit of her stomach.

Hastily pulling back from the hug, Lily put a stray piece of her red hair behind her ear. "You are welcome. Now I suggest you boys get some sleep too."

"You don't have to tell me twice," Peter said. He wished his goodbyes and left the room to go to his comfortable bed.

"I can't leave Sirius in here." James scratched the back of his head and yawned.

"I didn't think you would," Lily replied, "The head injury potion only takes care of the severe concussion part of his injury. His head is going to hurt when he wakes up. Just give him some more ice for the swelling and a little bit of this pain-relieving potion." Lily handed him the ice pack and the recommended medicine.

"I really can't express how grateful I am for this. Both times," James looked at her with his hazel eyes. This was the first time he mentioned the last time they were here.

"I was up anyway; it's not like I had anything better to do," she joked.

"Speaking of that, why were you up so late anyway?"

"I was studying for an exam tomorrow," Lily lied quickly and then cringed when she realized her mistake. She and James took the same classes.

"What exam?"

"Did I say tomorrow? I meant next week. I like to be prepared."

"Oh… okay," James stretched his legs out and rubbed tiredly at his eyes.

She wondered who in their right mind would pull an all-nighter for an exam that was the next week. Sirius was right when he said James believed every word that came out of her mouth.

"And about, uh, why Sirius was injured tonight. We, uh, were, uh—"

"It was those damn poles again, right? You were playing Quidditch?" Lily helped him.

"Right!" James perked up, agreeing with the lie. "Exactly. They were... erm... very sharp."

Lily nodded in agreement. "Alright, I'm going to bed now. Unless you have any other harmful injuries you're not telling me about?"

"My thumb hurts a little, but I'm sure it's just bruised."

"Let me see it." Lily held out her hand and took James's into it. "Bruised?" she said as she gently touched it and watched him wince. "It's broken, James."

"Is it really?" James asked curiously.

"Nothing a simple spell won't fix right up." Pointing her wand at the site of damage, Lily said, " _Episkey_."

A snap and a pop and the thumb was back where it was supposed to be.

James wiggled it a little, feeling better already. "What would I do without you, Evans?"

"Die, probably," she teased.

"Probably," James grinned, "You should go to bed now."

"Probably." Lily stood at the door and turned back to look at him. "I'll come back later in the day and check up on you, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay," James agreed.

"Goodnight, Potter."

"Night, Evans."

* * *

Sirius greeted her the next day as she was getting some food at the dining hall, "So you're just gonna stay up all night with us every full moon?" Sirius asked, grunting in pain as Lily attempted to check the size of his injury. "That's gonna be your thing now?"

"My _thing_ is making sure you idiots don't kill yourselves looking out for your friend. Is that okay with you, Black? And where's your boyfriend?"

"That's okay by me. James is still sleeping. He stayed up all night to make sure I was okay."

"How romantic," Lily commented as she popped a grape in her mouth. Sirius looked down and fiddled with his feet. "What? Is there something else you want to tell me?" she asked, wondering why the boy was still standing there.

"Thank you for taking care of me. I know you would have wanted us to see Pomfrey, but if she found out about us—"

"I know. I've got your back." Lily smiled and then added, "Just try not to get hurt so much all the damn time."

"It's only our second time out with Remus," Sirius argued, "I think we're doing pretty well considering the circumstances."

"How did you get the, uh…?" Lily gestured to his cranial region. "Obviously it wasn't those 'very sharp' Quidditch poles."

"Remus rammed me when I wasn't paying attention and my head got slammed into the Weeping Willow," he explained, scratching the back of his head.

Lily looked at him with widened eyes. "You weren't paying attention to the one person you're supposed to be paying attention too? Brilliant."

"It's harder than it looks, Evans! I'd like to see you turn into an Animagi and keep a werewolf company."

Lily pursed her lips. "Maybe I will."

"Please don't. You'd probably be some nagging parrot that just follows us around and screeches whenever we do something wrong."

"Merlin, can you not hate me for one second? I won't become an Animagi. I'll just keep your secret and take care of your boo-boos just to have you insult me the next day."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you say that a lot." Lily crossed her arms and pouted.

"I'm treating you the way you treat my friend. Don't you think that's fair?" Sirius countered.

"First and second year, even third year, your _friend_ followed me around, nagging and hassling me trying to have me go out with him. Should I do that to you? Then maybe you can have a legitimate reason to be rude to me."

Sirius winced as memories of the many attempts of James courting Lily came to mind and he took a seat next to her at the table. "Alright, I admit James can be a little over the top at times."

"A little?" Lily asked wryly.

"A lot," he admitted with shrugged shoulders. "But he means well."

"Does he though?" Lily asked thoughtfully, "He's wanted me since we were in first year. Three years have passed and now he's probably built this fantastical version of me that's perfect and not me at all. Not like how others see me. How you see me… as a… parrot."

"With red feathers and green tipped wings. Red for your hair and green for your eyes, of course."

"Yeah, I got that. I don't want him to be disappointed if he wins the game and finds out the prize isn't as great as he imagined."

Sirius reflected on her words for a moment before answering, "I can see how you would think that. Sometimes I wonder why James is so obsessed with you. Then there's moments like last night when you dropped everything and stayed up all night to make sure we were okay and then proceeded to help me when I had fucking brain damage."

"Oo, I really wanna make a joke about your brain damage, but you're actually being nice for once." Lily griped with her fictional dilemma.

"Don't worry, give it a day."

Lily exhaled. "Thank you for saying that. The other thing."

"It's the truth. I'm not James and I don't know what would happen if you two were to finally date. I don't know if you two would get along. I don't know if it'll be awkward or strange. You both wouldn't have anything in common or have anything to talk about or—"

"Alright I get it." Lily stopped him.

"What I'm trying to say is that you don't know what'll happen when it does happen so you might as well let it happen."

"What _I'm_ trying to say is that I don't want to play his game and I'm not going to let him win. Plus, you wouldn't be much of a friend of Potter's if you didn't play his wingman."

"Who says I'm a wingman?" Sirius bantered, his gray eyes twinkling. "You're the red parrot with the green tipped wings."

"Oh, shut up, Black."

"Never, Red."

"Red," Lily said nodding her head thoughtfully. "How creative. You get Padfoot, Potter gets Prongs. There's Wormtail and Moony…and I get Red."

"How about Beak then?" Sirius offered, "Feathers? Squawk?"

"No, no." Lily recanted. "Red's good. Red's perfect."

Sirius gave a firm nod, "Then it's settled. Red: our woman on the inside."

Lily smiled at Sirius's new nickname for her. It wasn't the first time she had been called that, but it was an old nickname with a new context and a new beginning. And a new beginning meant a new entry in the ever-present journal.

* * *

_Prongs (Get it? Cause deer? I crack myself up sometimes) Journal,_

_I think I'm friends with Sirius now. Which is something I never thought I would write._

_He's actually not that bad. He's a little rough around the edges, but he's soft and sweet on the inside. Like a good treacle tart. Oo, I'm really craving some today._

_Anyway, back to the Marauders._

_I've learned quite a lot about them this past year. Things I never dreamed I'd find out. But I've learned that the bond between the four of them is quite strong._

_They are more than friends; they are brothers._

_It would be nice to have friends like them on my side._

_It's just been pretty lonely this past year with Sev having other friends. It's not easy for me to make new friends. Maybe it'll be different with the Marauders._

_I almost forgot why I'm writing to you!_

_I have to make some edits to my "Reasons Why I Hate James Potter" list. Maybe I should change the name of the list… nah…_

_Reasons Why I Hate James Potter (and ~~—can't—~~ won't call him my boyfriend)_

_1, He always runs his hands through his hair (it's just annoying, okay?)_

_2\. He is soooooo ugly (kinda)_

_3\. He is mean to Severus (okay, see! I do have a legitimate reason!)_

_4\. And for the big whammy… It's just a game to him._

_I used to have five reasons… but I guess I have to take the last one out— his friends aren't that bad._

_Plus, who am I to judge a person by their friends? I mean, Sirius, Peter, and Remus could be great people and James could still be a troll monster so there's that. Not that I think he's a troll monster. Well… maybe._

_This has been a crazy adventure, so thanks for hanging in there with me. See you for the next one!_

_Love,_

_Red_

Sharing a secret that bonded them for life, the Marauders became a brotherhood. When Lily joined, they became her boys and she couldn't deny that together, they were something quite special.


	6. Year 4

_Reasons Why I Hate James Potter_

_1\. He always runs his fingers through his hair_

_2\. He is ugly inside and out_

_3\. He is mean to Severus_

_**4\. He just likes annoying me and it's just a game to him** _

* * *

The sun shined brightly through the sparse clouds. The birds chirped their beautiful songs in the trees. Lily laid on the soft grass, her eyes closed shut, as she enjoyed a break from her studies. It was peaceful outside as the other students relaxed and chatted amongst themselves, mostly keeping to their own groups. Lily did not have a care in the world. That is, until an annoying buzzing sound came right up to her ears.

During the first few seconds, Lily tried to ignore the noise, thinking it was a bee or a random insect that would just go away soon. Her eyes were still closed, but she squinted trying to concentrate on relaxing. However, the droning noise simply got louder and louder and closer and closer. With great frustration, Lily opened her eyes to the glint of a beating snitch flying right in front of her face.

Knowing full well who the snitch belonged to, Lily ignored its persistent beating wings and gathered her books and backpack to begin preparing her trek back to her dormitory. The snitch continued to follow her. It would fly right by her ear with its annoying buzzing and as soon as she turned her head, it would dash away and show up at her other ear.

It was just as annoying as its owner.

She had made her way up the large hill she was resting at and was met with the sight of the four marauders watching her with their ever-mischievous eyes.

The snitch still hummed in her ears.

Without giving it another thought, Lily reached out with rapid reflexes and grabbed the snitch with the hand that was not holding her books. The four boys jumped back in shock at Lily's talent. She maintained eye contact with them, her fury prominent in her green eyes as the four imbeciles had distracted from her stress-free time.

Lily had planned to take the snitch, throw it on the ground, and stomp it to oblivion to teach him a lesson, but the slip of paper that was currently crumpled in her hands distracted her. While she unhooked the paper from the golden orb, the snitch used that moment to escape her clutches and fly back to its owner. James grabbed the snitch easily and shoved it in his pocket, waiting for Lily to read the note he had sent her.

Rolling her eyes, Lily unraveled the message and read it in her head:

_Miss Evans, will you go out with me?_

_YES: Smile_

_NO: Do a backflip_

_Yours truly,_

_James Potter_

Tilting her head, her glare still persisting, Lily prepped her arms, reaching for the sky, before performing a perfect backflip to the surprise of her onlookers.

"Does that answer your question?" Lily asked with mock sweetness as she shoved past the marauders. She tried to hide her smile, rolling her eyes as she listened to the marauders as they joked around and shoved James, teasing him into oblivion.

She sure was glad her mum and dad forced her to take gymnastics as a young girl.

Her respect for the marauders grew tremendously after the past year. After learning about what they did every month for their friend, she knew that deep down, they were good people. They weren't the worst…but they were still pretty annoying. However, she had grown to enjoy their annoying-ness more and she had become slightly less irritated by it (just a little). She would never actually tell them that though.

Before she could make it to the girls' dormitory, she heard the sound of footsteps behind her and, "Red!"

Turning around, Lily was met with Sirius chasing after her like a dog off his leash. "Black," she said, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Can we talk?" Sirius looked at her, his expression bordering grim.

When Sirius didn't smile and when he wasn't surrounded by his posse, Lily knew there must be something wrong. "Sure," she agreed.

"Alone?" Sirius asked.

Now Lily's curiosity was piqued. He didn't want the marauders to see him and Lily wanted to know why. Allowing Sirius to lead the way, the two of them went to the Room of Requirement.

Once they were settled on comfy couches, sitting across from each other, Lily asked, "What is it?"

"We're in our fourth year…"

"Brilliant observation."

Sirius looked at her with a slight twinge of exasperation. "We're in our fourth year and You-Know-Who's has started recruiting followers our age."

"I'm sorry, I'm really not interested," she joked.

"Merlin, Lily. I'm not fucking around here."

"Then tell me what you want! Stop beating around the bush." Lily didn't understand why Sirius was coming to her in the first place.

"Snape."

Lily froze completely. As the shock wore off she asked, "What about him?"

"I know the Dark Lord recruited him."

"Then you know more than me." She swallowed roughly, trying with all her might to believe the boy to be wrong. She knew Black and Potter hated Severus with everything they had, but to accuse him of siding with Voldemort was on a whole other level.

Sirius shook his head and looked down, defeated. "It's… it's not even about him."

Lily leaned forward, a look of concern blooming on her face. "What is it then, Sirius?" she asked kindly.

Rubbing his face wearily, he looked at her. "My little brother. He's, uh…" Sirius let out a huff of breath, "Well, he's a little impressionable. He's always done what my parents wanted. He always wants to fit in and—"

"You're scared he might join Voldemort's—" Lily ignored Sirius's reflex wince and finished, "—growing army."

"Regulus listens to Snape. For some reason, he looks up to the guy and Reg is just a year younger and he probably hasn't been recruited yet and I figured if you could talk to Snape and get him to convince Reg not to join… maybe…"

Lily looked at him with sad eyes. "Maybe what?"

"Maybe he can be saved." The desperation was clear on his face.

Lily stood up from her couch and walked to Sirius's, sitting herself right next to him. She held his hand and gripped it in her own. "Have you considered talking to him yourself? He's your little brother. You two might have completely different beliefs, but deep down, I'm sure he still looks up to you."

Sirius looked at Lily, his hand still in hers. "You don't understand, Red. He hates me. Ever since I got into Gryffindor, my parents made sure that my little brother only knows Sirius Black: blood traitor and coward."

"I know I don't have to tell you this, but you are not a traitor or a coward in any way and I understand more than you think. See, I have an older sister." Lily looked ahead, her eyes almost glazing over. "Petunia. She hates me. Ever since I got my letter to Hogwarts and she didn't. Even if she does hate me, I don't think there is anything she could do that could ever make me hate her." Lily looked at Sirius and smiled sadly. "That's the magic of older siblings."

"We've got pretty screwed up families, huh?" Sirius leaned back on the couch.

Lily followed, having her head lean against Sirius's shoulder. "Ain't that the truth." After a moment of comfortable silence, Lily said, "I'll talk to Snape, but I don't know how much help I can be."

"Thanks, Red."

"Of course." Lily considered the boy curiously. "Have you had the chance to talk to Potter about this?"

"About my brother?" Sirius shook his head. "No. I don't want to get James wound up in this in case it backfires."

"Oh, but I'm free game?" Lily poked his arm playfully.

"What's Snape gonna do to you?" Sirius shot back. "Hex you?"

"Touché."

"Besides, James has other things to worry about, I don't want to bother him with this."

"What other things?" Lily asked curiously.

"None of your business," Sirius retorted.

"That's rich."

Sirius sighed and admitted, "It's not my place to say."

Lily crossed her arms. "Fine."

"You can't actually be mad at me!" Sirius said in disbelief.

"I'm not."

"That's what all girls say when they are mad," he reasoned.

"You have all women figured out, don't you?" Lily said sarcastically.

"You're unbelievable." Sirius rolled his eyes. "I can't believe Prongs actually has a thing for you."

"Luckily for you, I don't have a thing for him, so your boyfriend's all yours."

Sirius hesitated for a moment before meeting Lily's eyes. "You're still gonna help me with my little brother, right?"

"Course." Lily smirked.

Sirius smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the temple before leaving the room. "You're the best, Red."

"And don't you forget it, Black."

Lily shook her head fondly at the boy. They could argue back and forth and make up the next second because they both knew the fight meant nothing. It was like two siblings fighting relentlessly. Back and forth, the fight would get intense as insults and even fists and random objects would be hurled across rooms, but then two minutes later, they would end up on the couch next to each other talking about the latest gossip or getting food together as if the fight never happened.

They both had pretty screwed up siblings, so in a way, they found some normalcy in each other.

She still had her backpack with her and since she didn't get to finish her work after her break was cut short by the need to do a backflip, Lily decided to get some work done while she was alone in the Room of Requirement.

Studiously working, Lily managed to get quite a bit done. A paper on the development of the revealing charm was completed, an analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of Felix Felicis was drafted, and a worksheet on Arithmancy was stared at blankly because Lily did not understand it at all.

The rumbling of her stomach took her out of her studying and Lily realized that she hadn't had dinner yet. There were no clocks, so Lily hoped with everything in her that she wasn't too late for dinner.

Quickly stuffing all her notes into her bag and opening the exit to the Room of Requirement, Lily took one step out before—

"Evans."

Lily nearly had a heart attack right then and there. "Merlin! What the actual bloody—"

"Don't you 'merlin' me." James squinted his eyes as he looked furiously at her. "I've been waiting here for hours."

Lily rolled her eyes as she kept walking. "I hope you realize how creepy you sound."

James took a few quick strides forward until he reached her and wasn't awkwardly trailing behind her anymore. "You and Padfoot walked into the Room of Requirement and then he left and then you didn't leave."

"Thank you for summarizing my life for me."

"What were you two doing… together?"

"Why don't you ask him?" Lily shot back.

"He didn't even tell me he was going to talk to you, I doubt he would tell me why." James ran a hand through his hair and with the other, he ran his thumb up and down a thick piece of parchment.

"Why would you think I would tell you what we were doing?"

"Is Sirius okay?" James grabbed her wrist and stopped her from walking any further. "That's all I want to know. I don't care if you two are making out or are having a secret affair… I mean, I do care and I would hate that, but you don't have to tell me that, I suppose, because it's none of my business and I don't want to be that person that stalks their best friend and the love of—"

"James!" Lily interrupted quickly. "Sirius is fine. You don't have to worry."

"Then why is he coming to you and not to his friends?" James asked, his head dropping to the floor and his eyebrows crinkling together in a way that Lily couldn't deny looked absolutely adorable. Or maybe it was the way he was so concerned about his best friend that was absolutely adorable. No. James Potter was not absolutely adorable. Well... okay, maybe he was slightly adorable.

"There are some things in life that require a woman's touch," Lily replied, in an attempt to sound mysterious.

James looked up so quickly it gave Lily whiplash and she watched as his eyes widened comically. "You touched him?"

"No!" Lily exclaimed, completely appalled. "I meant a woman's expertise! Like guidance and advice."

"Advice on what?"

"Life," she stated vaguely.

"Life?"

"Life."

"Oh, come on, Evans." James rolled his eyes.

"What can I say, Potter?" Lily continued her walk to the dining hall. "Sometimes a woman just has this deep understanding of life. An intuition, if you will. They have this beautiful vision of the world and their words can be so powerful and— oh, goddamn it!"

"Now those are some powerful words. Well done, woman."

"The dining hall is empty." Lily pouted.

"Yeah, no shit. It's past midnight."

"I didn't get any dinner."

"At least it isn't my fault this time," James joked. Lily remembered her first year when the two of them had detention together and had to work past dinner.

"I suppose I was a little dramatic as an eleven year old," Lily reminisced.

"A little?"

"Oh, sod off. I was well justified in my anger and I was hungry!" Lily's stomach growled loudly to prove her point. She crossed her arms around her stomach in embarrassment, but James just laughed it off.

"I did tell you I knew a place where we could get food."

Lily bit her lower lip, contemplating whether she was willing to risk spending more time James Potter in exchange for food, but the rumbling in her stomach answered the question for her. "Alright, let's go."

James looked at her like an overeager puppy, or she supposed, an overeager deer. "Really?"

"Let's go before I change my mind."

"Now that's the attitude I love." James opened up the blank parchment and Lily curiously peeked forward. " _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_."

"Excuse me?" Lily asked.

"I'm talking to the paper," James replied. Soon enough, lines started forming on the pages and Lily watched in fascination as a map of Hogwarts came into full view.

"That's amazing." She couldn't keep her eyes of the page. "You can even see the people."

"It's great when you're trying to avoid prefects." James grinned at her cheekily. "Speaking of, Amos Diggory is headed this way now. Let's go before we get caught."

The two of them raced down the hall and into one of the crevices of the castle. James examined the map again to make sure the coast was clear. Lily studied the map again. "How do you know so many secret passages?" she asked curiously.

"My mum and dad told me before I left for my first year and they learned it from their parents and them from their parents and on and on. So Remus, Sirius, Peter, and I decided to make a map of all the passages that we can pass down to our kids instead of just telling them. Plus, we found a few more of our own when we would go on adventures."

"This is some advanced magic." Lily could hardly believe that four kids had done something like this. "Hold on," she realized, "the Room of Requirement isn't on it."

James nodded as he closed the map and began walking towards their destination. "Yeah, it had some powerful cloaking spells on it making it unplottable. Every time we added it, we would blink and it would disappear."

"Hmm. I suppose your kids would have to find that place all on their own." Lily looked at him and grinned.

"Can't spoil them with all the answers now, can we?" James's eyes twinkled. "We have to let them go out on their own adventures once in a while."

"Of course. How else do we build up their character if we don't let them get at least one detention every week?" she said sarcastically.

"I'm glad you and I are on the same track of how we're gonna raise our kid," he joked off-handedly as he checked the map one last time before making a turn.

"Hilarious."

"And we're here," James announced proudly as he stood in front of a portrait of fruits.

"As hungry as I am, I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat a painting."

"We can eat anything we want where we're going," James said as he tickled the pear in the picture.

The painting opened up and Lily was amazed to see a magnificent kitchen inside. "So this is where all the food comes from."

"It has to come from somewhere."

"I just never imagined… wow. It's so clean and there are so many pots and pans."

"That's what you focus on?" James couldn't help but smile at Lily's child-like wonder.

"You're right." Lily turned to face him. "So where's the food?"

At that moment, about half a dozen house elves came barreling towards them, ready to feed them whatever their hearts desired. Having never met a house elf before, Lily was quite shocked. "You…you all make the food?" she asked curiously.

"Of course!" One house elf squeaked. "Whatever you want."

"You work here? Where do you live?" Lily had never seen them at Hogwarts.

"We serve the castle, ma'am," the house elf answered.

"Serve?" Lily questioned. "Like servants? Do you get paid?"

"Paid?" Another house elf asked. There was some chattering amongst the elves as they looked at each other in confusion.

"Evans…" James trailed off, trying to find the right words to say. "They like working."

"Like working? For free?" Lily's voice seemed to get higher and higher. "Who likes working for free? This isn't right!"

"That's just how it's been."

Lily looked at him appalled. "Do you have house elves?"

James looked at her skittishly. "Well… you see…"

"Oh merlin, you do!"

"We treat them well. They're not abused or anything," James retorted in defense of his family's actions.

"People abuse their house elves?" Lily screeched.

At this moment, the house elves quietly skittered back, away from the red-haired witch. James looked at them sympathetically. "It's getting late. You all can go to bed," he addressed the elves. "We can take care of the food and clean-up. Thank you."

The house-elves protested a little, insisting that they help and cook, but at Lily's incessant glare (towards James, of course), they conceded and went to their beds.

James pinched his nose and closed his eyes. "Look, Evans. If house elves wanted to be free, they would ask and we'd give them a piece of clothing and they can go. My family doesn't enslave house elves and work them to the bone. It's their choice to work for us and I'm pretty sure you can say the same thing about Hogwarts. You really think Dumbledore would keep these house elves here if they didn't want to work here?"

Lily pouted her lips as she thought about it. "It still doesn't seem fair that they don't get paid or anything. I would never want to own anyone that can think and speak just like us. It just doesn't seem right."

"Okay." James relented. "So we'll make our own food." He began rummaging through the cupboards looking for something to snack on.

"I meant in general. Like in life."

"Alright, we'll never own a house elf. We'll do everything on our own."

Lily ignored the fact that he said 'we' like they would be sharing a home and said, "Like washing dishes and doing the laundry and—"

"Ugh, sounds so tedious." James crinkled his nose in disgust.

"I can't believe you've never washed dishes." Lily leaned against the counter. "You are so spoiled."

"Like old milk, baby." James winked.

"Okay." she laughed. "That is not something to wink over and be proud of. You're so creepy."

"I think you mean to say ' _crepe_ -y.'" James punned. An idea struck him "Wanna make crepes?"

"Nah." Lily pursed her lips. "I'm not in the mood for crepes tonight."

James gasped dramatically. "Not in the mood for crepes? You're such a weird- _dough_!"

"Are you just gonna keep insulting me? What am I _dough_ -ing here again?"

"I _donut_ know."

"Nice," Lily complimented his off-the-cuff pun.

"We all know my puns are superior." James puffed out his chest.

"You're puns may be good, but my cooking is exceptional and far superior than anything you have to offer. You ain't got _muffin_ on me," Lily countered.

"Oh, really?"

"You _bread_ -ter believe it," Lily sang.

"Oo, that was good, I have to admit… I almost _cracker_ -ed up on that one. But my cooking skills are not to be challenged. My cooking skills are _egg_ -cellent."

"I'm sorry, what cooking skill? Don't the house elves do it for you?" Lily raised her eyebrow.

"My mom loves cooking so she does it as much as she can." James cleared his throat and fidgeted a little, before shaking his head and continuing, "But, uh, before Hogwarts, I was a pretty lonely kid who hung out with house elves most of the time so… you could say I learned some pretty neat tricks over the years. I'll have you know, I have never burned my house down."

"Again, that just doesn't sound like something you should be proud of. It just kinda sounds sad."

"You're sad." James stuck his tongue out. "Fine, if you think your cooking is better than mine, let's put it to the test," he challenged.

"Alright," Lily agreed. "You cook a dish and I cook a dish and we see who the cooking champion is. Deal?"

"Deal." James stuck out his hand and shook it with Lily's. "Should we seal it with a kiss?"

"In your dreams, Potter." She walked past him to one side of the kitchen, looking for ingredients for her recipe.

"Pretty please with a _cherry_ on top?"

"Nope."

"Can we at least _taco_ about it?"

"Okay we can talk about it." Lily paused for a second. "Nope."

"You didn't say no to kissing me last year."

Lily paused in her searching. "I thought we agreed to never talk about that ever again."

"I kept my end of the deal… even though it was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Remus, Peter, even Sirius doesn't know about our kiss, but there is no one here except us, so why can't we talk about it?"

Lily ignored him and continued measuring out her ingredients. Following her example, James went to his side of the kitchen and took out his own ingredients to make his dish.

"You can't ignore me forever, Evans. Just talk to me. Why can't we talk about the kiss? I just want to taaaaalk," James sang.

"Because it's embarrassing!" Lily slammed a bag of flour on the counter causing a giant puff to fly into the air. "It's embarrassing and I just want to forget it ever happened."

"It was embarrassing to kiss me?" James asked. His voice sounded timid and almost hurt.

Lily sighed, turning away from him and staring at the stove. "It was embarrassing because you won and I let you win."

"Won what?"

"I was your plaything in a game and when you kissed me, all the fight I had put up against the game… it just… I just..." Lily cleared her throat. "Can we— Can we just make our dishes? I still haven't had dinner yet, you know."

James nodded, still confused by Lily's words. "Yeah, sure."

They worked in silence for about a half an hour. The only sounds were the sizzling of the stove top and the chopping of a cutting board.

Lily decided to go for classic chocolate chip cookies. They were easy to make and a delicious snack to much on (even before sticking it in the oven to bake).

As she stuck her batch in the oven, Lily smirked to herself. _Potter was definitely going to eat his words today._ All pun intended.

As she pulled the fresh-baked, warm circles of heaven on earth out of the heat, Lily couldn't help but admire her work. While she plated her masterpiece, she glanced at James to see how he was doing in the competition.

Lily quietly crept behind him and peeked over his shoulder to watch him at work. His glasses were fogged up in the heat of the stovetop and his arm stirred the pot vigorously as he glared at the pan; things were not looking good for James Potter.

"What are you making?" she asked, close by his ear.

James jumped at the sound of her voice so close and as his arm jerked, the spoon he used to mix the concoction sent ingredients splashing in every direction. "Merlin, women! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Sneak up on you?" Lily giggled at his dramatic reaction. "I just wanted to know what you were making. I'm done with mine."

She held out her plate of cookies and allowed James to take one. She watched as he took a large bite out of the dessert and chewed. He frowned. "Damn, it actually tastes good. I was hoping yours would turn out as badly as mine did."

"Now that's the sound of good sportsmanship. Alright, I want to try yours now." Lily grabbed a tasting spoon from one of the drawers and tried to grab a spoonful of whatever liquid mush James was brewing up.

"Ehm," James said squeamishly. "I think it's better if you don't. Let's just say you win. The whole thing is taking too long to make."

"Oh come on now," Lily whined. "At least let me try some of it. Is it supposed to be so… watery?"

"Nope."

"Please can I try it?" Lily asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Nope."

"Please?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Pleeeease?"

"Evans, you're _baking_ me crazy!" James exclaimed in exasperation. "This is for your own good!"

"It's not gonna kill me, Potter! Is it somewhat digestible?"

James took a ladle full of his food and watched as it dripped out in a rather slimy fashion. "I suppose if you had low standards."

"Well, I am spending the night in an underground kitchen with James Potter, so I suppose my standards aren't very much higher than below Troll." Lily grinned cheekily.

"Spending the night with me is at least an Exceeds Expectations," James protested. At Lily's look he lowered the grade. "Alright, Acceptable?"

"Well…"

"I am at least an Acceptable!" James said firmly. "I refuse to go any lower."

"James Potter, I am actually having fun tonight, so you have definitely Exceeded my Expectations. Congratulations, you passed your OWLs."

She rolled her eyes as James fist-pumped into the air and rejoiced at the news that Lily enjoyed spending time with him. While he was distracted, Lily took a spoonful of the mixture James made and had a taste.

The flavor was strange at first. James definitely did not know the measurements of his recipe and threw everything together all haphazardly, but the taste was still there. It was…

"Treacle tart," James said, running a hand through his hair restlessly. "Your—"

"My favorite." Lily could feel the sticky taste of the dessert on her lips. As she licked the bottom of her lips nervously, James couldn't help follow the movement and watch as her tongue flicked the golden brew. "With a hint of ginger."

"Just the way you like it." James averted his gaze and tried not to think of her lips… or kissing… or kissing her lips.

Lily put the spoon down next to the pot and leaned her palms on the edge of the counter as she leaned back and forth. _He remembered._

The two of them stood there in awkward silence.

James was the first to break the lull. "What you said when I asked why you didn't want to talk about our kiss last year." He shuffled his feet, trying to look anywhere but at Lily. "I don't see you as a plaything, Lily. I don't see you as a prize at the end of a game. I swear, I'm not playing a game with you."

Lily looked at him hesitantly, her fingers pulling and adjusting at her clothes, just so she had something to do. "James…"

"When I ask you out— every time I ask you out, I mean it. I mean it with my whole heart and it hurts… it breaks my heart every time you say no and I genuinely like you, Evans. Sometimes…" James softly laughed to himself. "Most times, I'm sure I love you."

"You don't, Potter."

James head snapped up to lock in with hers.

She shook her head. "You don't love me. We're just kids. We're not supposed to know what love is."

"We are kids and maybe we don't understand love fully, but with whatever I do understand, I know I completely love you, Lily Evans."

"You love how I look and you think I'm attractive to you and-and-and when you— ehm, if you ever date me, you'll get bored of me and leave me and find the next girl who wouldn't fall for the charm of the great Marauder, James Potter. You like that I'm hard to get."

"I do love how you look, Evans," James agreed.

Heart beating faster, she looked at him calculatingly and crossed her hands over her chest. James, however, was not finished. "But I also love your passion. I love how you care for other people. I love how you aren't afraid to stand up for what you believe in. I love how you dot your 'I's'. I love how you crinkle your nose when you're confused. I love how you always find time to sit under a tree and read. I love how you love."

Lily was struck speechless.

"So yes, Lily Evans," James announced. "You are a beautiful sight to behold and you sure as hell are hard to get, but it's not just a game to me. And I know eventually you'll see that. But until then, I just have to do whatever I can to win you over. And I will."

Lily opened her mouth to say something. To say anything. But she couldn't find the words. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how it was possible for a fourteen year old boy to be so open about his feelings. She definitely did not feel as strongly as James did about her. She doubted she felt this strong about anything in her life ever.

James loved.

He loved strongly. He loved powerfully.

Lily wished she could do the same.

Before she could say anything, to both their surprises, the oven next to them suddenly burst into flames.

James and Lily jumped back in shock, watching as the flames grew higher and higher.

Not knowing what else to do, James quickly removed his shirt and started beating at the flames hoping to put it out. Lily shook her head, finally coming to her senses and ran to the other side of the kitchen where her wand was. Grabbing the magical stick as fast as she could, Lily raced back and did and yelled, "Aguamenti!" allowing water to smother the fire out.

The flames were gone as fast as they had appeared.

Stepping away from the oven, James panted rapidly as he shook the water out of his ear (he was a little wet from Lily's water charm accidentally dousing him as well).

"So," Lily said, slightly out of breath, herself. "You said you've never burned your house down, huh?"

"Okay," James relented while he examined the burnt and smoky remains of his shirt. "I may have burned some parts of my house accidentally, one or two times. But in my defense, this is the first time I've ever used this fire machine."

"An oven?" Lily asked. She realized that James grew up in a family that probably used magic to heat up their food like normal wizards.

Using the shirt as an oven mitt, James reached into the oven and pulled out the black, burnt remnant of what was once the pie crust for the treacle tart. "I forgot that was in there," he muttered mostly to himself. "I thought it would be easy enough to use, since muggles do it all the time. Didn't realize it would blow up in my face."

He was hoping to impress her with his knowledge of muggle culture, but that, too, blew up in his face.

He took the inedible crust and threw it in the garbage along with his now unwearable shirt. When he turned back to look at her sheepishly ready to apologize, he noticed Lily had an unreadable expression on her face. A mix of shock and something he couldn't quite place.

"What is it?" he asked, almost tempted to cross his hands over his chest, by the way Lily was staring at him.

Without thinking, Lily walked forward and placed her hands on James's chest. He looked at her in complete bewilderment. He had no idea what she was doing or what she was thinking, until her hands started moving. Her fingers began to trace the lines of his chest, falling on the three ragged reddish-pink lines that stretched across his abdomen.

"Sirius told me he gave you a healing potion the morning after and that the rest of the scar healed up," she muttered, her fingers slowly dragging across his chest.

"Most of it did, but since I didn't take it right after I got the scratch, a little bit of it stayed. Hey, at least it serves as a reminder to never… uhm…" James trailed off, forgetting which lie he told Lily about how he got the scratch.

"Fall on a pole playing Quidditch," Lily reminded him.

James uncomfortably scratched the back of his head. "Right."

"I'm sorry I didn't know the best way to treat you." Lily frowned as she felt the bump of the ugly mark left by the night of the full moon. "I wish you didn't have the scar."

James caught Lily's hand on his chest and wrapped his bigger ones around hers, stilling her motion. "It's not your fault, Evans. You did the best you could and it probably would have been much worse if you hadn't bandaged me up."

"I know how to treat you now," Lily said earnestly as she looked up at him, their hands still clasped together. "After your mishap, I read every magical book I could on healing and magical maladies. I think that was what inspired me to want to become a healer, like my mom, except she was a muggle nurse so not really, but you get the point."

"Maybe I should get hurt more often if it inspires such great epiphanies in you," James playfully quipped.

Lily smiled and shook her head. "Don't even think about it, James Potter. I don't think you realized how stressed you made me when I saw you all bloody and wounded like that!"

"You sure didn't seem stressed. You looked like you had everything under control."

"I probably seemed like that because you were in so much pain and you couldn't think straight."

"Or you just have the makings of a great healer," James countered.

They paused for a split second and looked at each other. "Probably both," they said at the same time and burst out laughing.

The two of them stayed up late into the night, eating Lily's batch of cookies and sharing stories of their different cooking disasters. Each story got crazier and crazier, as both Lily and James tried to top the others' story with a wilder one of their own. They made each other laugh until tears ran down their faces. Lily could honestly say it was one of the best nights of her life.

She went to bed in the early morning while the sun was just starting to rise. She rarely stayed up to such an hour, but whenever James was around, it felt like time flew by and she didn't even notice.

* * *

When she woke up, it was the middle of the day and she knew she had a job to do. Remembering Sirius's favor, Lily got out of bed, brushed her teeth, and prepared for the day and her talk with a certain Slytherin.

She couldn't help but tap her fingers rapidly against the fabric of her clothes as she walked through the halls of the castle. Her nervousness confused her. She was friends with Severus. Sure they hadn't spoken in a while, but friends stayed friends forever. She didn't understand why she was feeling so nauseous and uncertain.

She used to feel like she knew Severus inside and out, but now, she had no idea who he was or where he stood.

Entering the empty Potions classroom, Lily was met with the familiar site of Severus experimenting on his new techniques in the Potions field, jotting down some notes in his book every minute or so.

Lily knocked lightly on the door-frame letting the dark-haired boy know she was near. Severus looked up at the sound, surprised to see his best friend there.

"Lily," Severus hesitated for a second. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see my best friend." Lily grinned as she took a seat across from him and his cauldron, but she couldn't help the haunting feeling that her smile wasn't genuine… that she was putting on a show.

"It's been a while," Severus observed quietly. "I thought you didn't want to… I thought we…"

"I miss you, Sev," Lily confessed, and she meant what she said with her whole heart.

Severus nodded. "I miss you too."

"So, um, I've been hearing things," she began cautiously, not really knowing the right way to ease him into the conversation.

His face darkened immediately. "What? From Potter and Black?"

"I've heard that you've been recruited to join Voldemort's army." Lily paused at Severus's flinch. "Everyone says there is a war brewing and that people in our year have been joining. Is that true?"

Severus looked at her, swallowing nervously, and Lily knew immediately it was.

It may have been a while, but Lily could read Severus like a book. She knew when he was hiding something, which, before they joined Hogwarts, was very rare. Now it felt like he always had something to hide from her.

"I don't think I'm going to join," Severus uttered slowly, enunciating each word.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "You _think_?"

"I won't, Lily. I won't," he confirmed determinedly, his eyes falling downwards as he absentmindedly began doodling on the edge of his textbook.

"What about Regulus Black?" Lily asked.

Severus's eyes shot up to meet hers and he crinkled his eyebrows in confusion. "What about him?"

"I know he's younger than us, but he is a pure blood and probably more important to Voldemort," Lily theorized. "Has he been recruited as well?"

Severus let out a disbelieving huff of breath as he heard his best friend interrogate him for information about one of his worst enemy's brother. "I can't believe this."

"What?" Lily questioned.

"When you came to me, I thought we were going to… I don't know… be friends again."

"We are friends, Severus."

"You know what I mean. Friends like the way we used to be."

"It can't be the way it used to be and you know it. Not when you come and hang out with me for one second and turn around the next to be with a group that calls me 'mudblood' behind my back and to my face."

Severus didn't deny that his group of Slytherin friends was not the most ideal. "I would never call you that though."

"You don't stop them either."

"I have to survive. I have three more years with them and I live in close quarters to them. I have to be around them. I don't have a choice."

"You do have a choice, Sev. You just have to make the right one."

"The right one will get me killed," Severus snarled.

"So what?" Lily glared right back at him. "Are you going to join his army then? Are you going to kill the muggleborns like Voldemort envisioned? Are you going to kill me?"

Severus immediately recoiled at her words. "I would never."

When Lily saw the hurt and shock in his eyes, she cooled down. "I know you wouldn't. I'm sorry."

Severus looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry too."

"Regulus, he has a choice too and Sirius is scared he won't make the right decision. Has he been recruited already?"

Severus shook his head. "I don't know." He looked deep in thought as he turned his gaze on her. "He most likely has with fanatic parents like the Blacks."

"I know this is a big ask, but can you… can you talk to him? Let him know that he doesn't have to do this?"

"Lily," Severus said hesitantly so as to not anger her again. "With a family like his, I don't think he has a choice."

"Sirius had a choice."

"And look where that got him. Kicked out by his family, living with the Potters'."

"He… he is?" Lily was shocked to hear that. She knew that Sirius sometimes spent the summers with the Potters, but she didn't know that he was officially living with them. She couldn't help but once again admire the strength of the friendship built by the Marauders. They truly would do anything for each other... and James was in the center of it all.

Severus studied her reaction strangely, not knowing what to make of it. "Regulus wouldn't have anyone like that, like Potter, to turn to. If he refused the Dark Lord's wishes, he would be kicked to the streets or worse, and probably more likely, he would be killed, whether it be by the Dark Lord, himself, or even his parents."

"Sirius would help him," Lily stated confidently. "I know he would. They may fight and have their differences, but in the end, they are brothers and brothers look out for one another." Lily looked at Severus imploringly. "Sirius still cares for his little brother. Will you tell him that? Will you let him know that he doesn't have to be like the others?"

There was a few seconds of silence before Severus finally admitted, "He's a good kid. Regulus." Severus chuckled, mostly to himself. "Wouldn't even hurt a house elf."

"So you'll talk to him?" Lily asked gently, reaching out to hold her best friend's hand.

He hesitated for a second before nodding, his hand relaxing in hers. "For you."

Lily smiled softly. "I love you, Sev."

She didn't understand why Severus looked like she had just stabbed him in the heart. Why there was such a weight behind his eyes. "I love you too, Lily."

* * *

_Dear Journal,_

_I don't think I understand love. Is there something wrong with me?_

_The way James feels love is… powerful. I don't think I've ever felt like that about anything._

_I've told people I loved them, don't get me wrong. I've told my parents I loved them because they're my family. I've told Sev I loved him because he's my best friend. But the way James described it… his love could overcome anything. I wish I had that power. I wish I could love freely like that. I just don't know if that's possible for me. I feel like a heartless monster for saying that._

_I always thought it was just a game to him. Like it was a game of tag. James chased after me and my affections and I ran away from it. But every year, I am scared that I'm getting closer and closer to being caught. James would catch up to me and say, "Tag, you're it" and suddenly, he's lost all interest and I become the lonely girl going after the unattainable Potter, the king of the school._

_What if I'm not letting myself feel anything so I don't have to worry about that future? What if I'm protecting myself from heartbreak?_

_Sure, it's not a game to him now, but what if he gets sick of me? What if he realizes there really is nothing to love about Lily Evans and that the thrill of the chase was what he was after?_

_If he catches me, then I would become "it." Being "it" meant doing the work and bearing the rejection. I don't think my heart could take it._

_But what if it's too late? What if he's already caught me? And now I have all these weird… feelings…_

_No, I can't think like that._

_Fine. So maybe it's not a game to James._

~~— _4—.—I-t-'-s—j-u-s-t—a—g-a-m-e—t-o—h-i-m—_~~

_The thing is, I have soooo many other reasons why James can't be my boyfriend. I mean, for one, his hair is craaaazy and his face is… ugh…_

_And, and and… and Severus! He's a bully and he's mean to Severus. That is why James and I can never happen._

_Suck it, love! Not that I love James or hate love or anything. You know what, it's getting late and I'm kinda just babbling now so I think I'm just gonna stop writing now._

_Love (but not too much)… or better yet…_

_Like,_

_Lily Evans_

She wanted a love that could save the world. She was just too scared to reach for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!


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